Archive for September, 2009

by Sally Cameron, midwife, mother of 2 and co-owner of www.earthbabies.co.za . I am  passionate, creative, trying to be Green unschooling single mom.  It’s a journey.

I love organizing my kid’s parties I have huge ideas and usually take on way more than I can actually cope with but that is just the way I am.

For my sons first birthday I made papier-mâché dinosaur eggs for the party bags and knitted each child a dinosaur! This year Rachel was turning 5 and wanted a mermaid theme. It was the first party I had to do all on my own since splitting up with my husband. He was not going to be around for the big day and so it was all up to me. I had to make the day not only memorable but also to make up for her dad not being there. In his defense he works on an oil rig in the north sea so it was not from lack of wanting to be there that he missed her birthday.

We made the theme under the sea so that the boys did not feel obliged to be mermaids. Being a greener mom I wanted to try make sure that things I did for the party incorporated some of the eco R’s ( reduce, reuse, recycle) I made the party bags from cut off milk bottles which I punched around the top and put gift ribbon through to decorate them. I also did not want to give the kids typical party bag toys which are expensive and often break or get lost with the first few minutes of being home. So I got each kid a T-shirt and got a friend to embroider a sea theme picture on each one.

While I was tempted to go all natural with the food, I thought it is a party after all and kids still have to be kids and eating less healthy stuff now and again is okay. All things in moderation seemed sensible. What I did realize is that kids eat way less at a party than you expect, I could have done half the food and still been okay.

Planning and doing the party on my own was actually a whole lot easier than I thought. Parties would always mean stress and fighting in our house before. I would get into trouble for how much it all cost and I would get stressed about my ex not helping as much as I thought he should. It was almost always a case of each of us having different ideas and pulling in 2 different directions. The stress levels were always high and lots of fighting happened. This time it was just me, I knew I had to do it all and it was actually easier. I knew what I had to do and I just to got on with it. My budget was much smaller being a single mom but my parents helped out and we manage really well in the end.

Rachel had a good time and I guess that is the most important thing. I think in a way it was part of the healing process for me too. I learnt I can do it all on my own even when it is hard work it is actually more peaceful and calm and we could all enjoy it more. There are going to be many firsts for me and the kids where we do stuff we have never done before on our own, and I know we will survive and we will have fun and we will grow.

Melenie van Wyngaardt , mother of two, runs Penguin Tutoring in Johannesburg. She  shares her findings  on successful exam preparations.

As parents and professionals in this field we have found that anxiety linked to  examinations  causes young learners more stress than any other form of academic assessment. Here are  a few tips on what we as parents can do to relieve this pressure:

A tutor can be an enormous help during this stressful time. These young individuals are  equipped to mentor,  offer support and act as an understanding ear.

We at Penguin Tutoring understand that the approach to learning needs to be  adapted to the needs of each individual learner at  affordabe rates. Visit our website to find out more.

by Kojo Baffoe a man, a father, a son, a brother, a husband, a friend, a poet, a writer on a quest to make sense of this reality, with words. Author of Evoutionary and Being a father.

It felt like any other day. My son had just turned two years old and started pre-school.

The first day of school was difficult for all of us. We spent 30 minutes before leaving him and probably phoned every hour or two on that day. All was well. We later discovered that, within 10 minutes of us leaving, he had stopped crying. Day two, he got into trouble. Threw sand in another child’s face. Sat in the naughty corner. He still throws things at his parents though. Day 3,  actually naps during nap time.  Then we had to keep him home for a week. The usual. Ear infection. Cold. Swine flu scare.

It was his second day back after school after the week off and, as I mentioned before, it felt like any other day. I dropped him off to fewer tears and went about my day. He was now on full days so I picked him up at about 4pm and we headed home. As we drove in the gate, he started grumbling. Wanted the remote to open the gate. We got out of the car and he wanted to stay outside the yard. We got into the yard and he wanted to be ‘ousite’ yet followed me into the house. By now, the grumbling was a fake cry and then it happened….. the screaming. No warning. No nothing. From ‘daddee ousite’ to the kind of scream one hears outside an abattoir. I rush to him thinking he’s hurt himself or something, he pushes me away, lies on the ground kicking his legs and keeps on screaming.

I’m a patient man. Really, I am. I am understanding. When he cries, I try to determine what is wrong. I try to comfort. I try to be a good, loving father. I don’t shout. I talk. I maintained that image for the first 30 minutes. I tried to give him juice. I talked to him. I asked what was wrong. I couldn’t think straight anymore. I put on the telly, but the screams got louder, drowning out the telly. I put on music. He likes music. Loves singing and dancing. The screams weren’t even in tune. I shouted at him. Told him to stop it. Opened the front door and told him to go play outside. The screams echoed through the house and reverberated through the neighbourhood. Eventually, I ignored him. Twenty minutes after having broken the one hour mark, he just stopped. Five minutes after that. Smiling and laughing, telling me stories.

For a week, that became the routine. Every day, after school though, thank the heavens, they only ran for about 30 minutes. Then one day I put him in his room and left him there and the consistent tantrums after school stopped. Now they just come any old time.

I finally discovered why they call them the terrible twos. I have heard all the theories. I have tried some. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t. If you have more, please share. All I really have now is the hope that, one day, hopefully sooner rather than later, he’ll stop. Until then, all I’m committed to is maintaining my sanity. I love him, even if he may just drive me mad.

Barrie Bramley is a father, a husband and an eager student in the art of loving life. He  spends most of his working moments involved in exploring a changing workplace and a changing worker with TomorrowToday. You can contact him by visiting his family blog at www.bramley.co.za

Children born today will retire in around 2070. We don’t know what the world will look like in 5 years time. What future are we educating our children for?

A paraphrase of the introduction to Sir Ken Robinson’s TED talk, ‘Do schools kill creativity?’. If you haven’t watched it, and you’re interested in education (who isn’t) then take the 20 minutes to watch it, and the bandwidth to download it. You can find it at http://bit.ly/MgdFM (or go to www.ted.com and search for it).

The world is changing so quickly, driven largely by technology and we  don’t have a clear view yet of what we’re heading for?

The shift needed in education is massive. The responsibility for this shift  lies with educators and parents alike. As parents we often look backwards for solutions . So often I am involved in conversations with fellow parents where they start their thoughts off with, “When I was at school we….”. In business we know that the solutions don’t come from our past. They will be found by looking forward and thinking sidewards. It’s no different for schools and education. As parents we need to let go of ‘the good old days’ and join educators in finding relevant ways to prepare our children for THEIR future.

Let me offer up a very simple, even silly, example to make my point. RESPECT.

Respect is one of those generational issues that plays itself out in all forms of society daily. For older generations respect is positional. If you’re a doctor, minister, teacher, bank manager, etc, older generations will give you 100% respect based on your title alone. They don’t know you, don’t know how you got there, but based on title they’ll start you off on 100%. Of course over time, this number will correct and get lower (nobody is perfect)

Today’s younger people take a very different view of respect. It’s relational. No matter your title, when they meet you they start you off on 0% respect, based on the fact that they don’t know you, and they don’t know how you got that title. Over time this number increases (nobody is undeserving of respect). This number ends up in the same place as the older generations view of you.

One can easily understand why younger people have this value around respect. They’ve grown up in a world where they’ve been exposed to many people who have held important positions (and titles) and have exploited and abused those positions. In every sector. Government, medicine, religion, education, family, etc, etc. In their world, position and title cannot be trusted from the start. So in order to respect you, they must get to know you.

This is one of the explanations for the rise of informality in the work place. There are very few business environments you find yourself in where the traditional titles that denoted respect are still used. Gone are the ‘Mr and Mrs’, the ‘Mam and Sir’ and even the ‘Dr and Reverend’ as a way of greeting and in turn showing respect. We’re on a first name basis largely, and even nicknames in places they were never tolerated before. Formality is out, and informality is in.

Why do schools insist on this archaic and irrelevant style of communication? Surely they can’t still believe that it somehow assists with respect? My children speak to all my friends using their first names (and even nicknames) and I don’t see any sign of disrespect? They use the first name of our doctor and our minister, and I’ve not seen any sign of disrespect. They’re certainly not assisting my children to adapt to the business world of the future. In that world they will go from ‘Mr and Mrs’ to a first name basis immediately. Surely teachers understand that today’s young people view respect in a completely different way, and that simply standing in front of the class and announcing that you have the title ‘teacher’ and they will therefore address them as ‘Mr or Mrs’ isn’t going to mean anything in terms of respect? In nursery school all the teachers (in 4 different schools my children have attended) were on a first name basis and again I saw no sign of disrespect. Could it be a ‘big school’ paradigm that’s at play?

This possibly is a small and silly area for me to highlight. But take this thinking and apply it to other areas of our schools. Have a look at the curriculum our education system has designed. Examine the rules by which our children spend most of each day. Watch Sir Ken Robinson. Identify the areas where we as parents are obstacles to frustrated educators who’s hands are tied because we pay the bills. Challenge the educators in spaces they’re stuck in. Do a little thinking and imagine the next 70 years, then get involved in some long term planning and conversation.

It is not our future. It belongs to our children. They will inhabit it and need to survive and thrive in it. We should be doing everything we can to prepare them for it.

By Zelna Lauwrens, author, teacher and founder of Equal Zeal® Training, an organisation committed to equipping young people to cope with the stresses and strains of daily living by inspiring them to grown from within. We invite you to join her on this journey, as she chats about topics of interest to parents here.

Don’t fall prey to self-fulfilling prophecies…all of our children have a genius inside of them!

This morning, I saw a young man walking merrily to work singing at the top of his voice, at the same time waving his arms around like a mad-man.  At first glance, any sane person might think that he was “insane”, however, what I saw was a man on his way to work as the sun was rising, making the most of his journey!  He had woken up and decided that today was the day to be happy.

So, on that note, do you know what a self-fulfilling prophecy is and if you do, do you know how it works?

“Most people know that a self-fulfilling prophecy is an event, which, because it is predicted and expected, is therefore more likely to happen, and even be caused to happen. “

An article was published in “Success Magazine” about two different groups of psychologists who were asked to observe the same child at play. One group was told beforehand that the child was emotionally disturbed. The other group was told that the child was a genius. When the psychologists were asked to report on their observations, each group had found evidence to support their preconceived ideas.  Interesting, but very scary!

Now, it is important to realize that self-fulfilling prophecies are everyday experiences and without us even realising, we create expectations for ourselves based on our beliefs.   The question is, what do you expect your day to be like when you get up in the morning? Will you be like the man singing on the road, or do you expect to have a miserable day.

Moving along to your expectations of others…How do you expect your kids to behave? How much success do you expect for yourself and your children?

If you predict failure, failure is generally what you’ll find, and if you expect excellence, excellence is very likely what you’ll see. How we think about a situation determines how we behave, and how we behave, more than anything else, determines the results we get.

That’s how self-fulfilling prophecies work – there is nothing magical about it. What you get in life is pretty much what you think and believe coming back at you. This is the reason why it is so important to have realistic and high expectations for your children and to support them in achieving their own personal best!

So what are you going to do when you wake up tomorrow morning…I don’t know about you, but I am going to join the man singing on the road!

by Gina Jacobson, a wife, a mom, a leo.  She works for a  non-profit organisation, is a procrastinator, loves sci-fi, sushi, good books and Scrabble.  Her blog is made up of A Bit of This a Bit of That.

Aaron is almost two years old and for the longest time he has given his cheek or the top of his head when you ask for a kiss.  Yesterday I got three on-the-lips kisses.

It’s those moments when he is so unguarded and free with his affections that I treasure the most.  When he runs up to me out of the blue and throws those little arms around my knees.

I hold each of those moments close in my heart because I know that one day when I ask for a kiss or a hug he will be all “no mommmmm, it’s so embarrassing…”

Hopefully I will raise a son who will never be embarrassed to give his mom a kiss on the lips and a great big hug!

by Memre Griffin, mother of 2 boys aged 3 & 5, owner of Goodie Two Shoes, passionate about effortless travel, good service and happy fulfilled children all around the globe.

Travelling with children requires a lot of preparation, no matter whether it is a picnic in in the park (if only!) or flying off to some exotic destination. Be prepared, take it slow and restock the necessities along the way.

Wouldn’t it be great to just jump in the car and away we go but if you have ever tried it before you will definitely know it just does not work. Check the weather, pack some extras, and make sure that a lot of tolerance has been put in reserve.  Here are a few tips, that I should actually follow myself to make it all so much less stressful!

Timing is everything. A breakfast or early lunch is better for the younger ones as a few extra ‘vinos’ and long lazy lunches can creep into naptimes ensuring a grizzly little monster when you are just starting to relax. If you have a long car journey consider driving when they might drop off into a nap.

Have bag, will travel. Packing everything into a sensible bag will help tremendously. For younger children a nappy bag is essential for all their bits and bobs. Older children can have their own small backpack, but be prepared…..you generally end up carrying these as well! For long haul travel, invest in a ‘Trunki’ suitcase, it not only serves as a case but also a ride-on and a much needed seat for little ones in queues.

Tried and tested. When all else fails, the familiar softness of a cuddly toy or a favourite blanket seems to save the day. Sleeping in a new bed can be daunting but a soft toy or a pillow that smells of home can provide tremendous comfort. My son’s little stuffed monkey has seen just about the whole continent and is still the favourite companion when we travel anywhere.

Spares & something warm. I always forget to pack an extra set of clothes for accidents and incidents and generally end up with a naked child on the way home! You just never know when a milkshake might go flying or whether a mountain stream might just be too big a temptation. South African weather can give us 4 seasons in one day, so always be prepared for the extreme.

Lost property. In a split second children can missapear (my 3 ½ year old’s new word, a combination of missing and disappear). Unfortunately they do not come with a tracker system, so make sure that they always carry some info in case of an emergency. I generally take a waterproof marker and write my cell phone number on their hands or invest in some id bracelets from Kindersafe. This is just in case their adventure takes them that little too far and they notice you are not within eyesight. 

Distractions. Getting there should be half the fun. Banish boredom by keeping them amused with a combination of sight seeing, playtime and snack breaks.

Goodies: having some new toys to pull out along the way, is a great way of shortening a journey or meal out…..a goodie box™ made by Goodie Two Shoes does the trick – particularly when parents need it the most! It is jammed packed with educational and fun toys as well as art activities and stickers and it is inexpensive as a bonus too. You can buy different themed boxes for both of the two age groups, each containing age-appropriate toys ensuring a bubbly busy bee and a relaxed parent too. Think playtime in a box.

Snack attack. Sugar and confinement is not a good combination with children. Stock up on nibbles such as fresh and dried fruit, nuts, bite-size cheese, crackers, popcorn, baby carrots and cucumber sticks and small boxes of juice to keep the hunger and thirst at bay. There is nothing worse than the tantrum of an over-tired, hungry child.

Toiletries. It is normally halfway across the Karoo that you end up with tiny sticky hands and nothing to clean the mess. Wet wipes is a definite must for any outing. While you are at it, pack a few plasters, sunscreen, a plastic bag for rubbish and some trusted medicine. I ended up asking every parent with a child whether they had Calpol onboard a flight at a stop-over as my child had severe ear ache and I knew we were going through the same experience in an hour’s time again!

Location, location, location. If you are taking your children into a very formal environment you will end up being extra cautious about everything your child does. Rather plan more child-friendly outings than putting enormous pressure, not only on yourself but also on your darling little one. You will be surprised at how many great restaurants there are that not only you will enjoy but also have a child-friendly atmosphere. Some restaurants even offer a piece of pizza dough; provide kiddies entertainment or best of all sell Goodie Two Shoes boxes.

Just keep on smiling. When you have run out of all ideas (and patience) take a leaf out of Barney’s book and go on an adventure. You never know where it might take you!

Go make a memory.

by Laura-kim, single mom, recently divorced with 2 kids and the author of the blog Harrased mom

When your child starts Gr 1 it’s a big deal. Actually it’s a huge deal.

It’s the end of an era. Your child is starting their 12 year school career. It’s the start of homework and school camps and tuck shop and projects.

I don’t remember projects in Gr 1. In fact I don’t remember them until like Gr 6 actually. So it was with great shock and horror that I opened my son’s homework book and saw the letter saying “PROJECT”! My mind immediately thought of something simple like “bake a cake” or find a nest! OH NO!

The project was BUILD A SHOE!

WHAT? The child is 7 and been in school for like 6 months. How the hell was he supposed to build a shoe? I am 31 and I have no idea how to build a shoe!

But what do you do? Your child needs to make a shoe, so make a shoe we must! And we did. With a little help from our friends. We made the shoe.

He was dead chuffed with it which really is all that matters. I will admit, I did at times, lots of times, have to stop myself from taking over. I forgot that he is only 7 and isn’t going to get it like I think it should be. While painting I kept taking the brush to make it “neater” but then realized it’s HIS project. HIS shoe. HE has to do it.

I have to say though; I am filled with fear for what the next project is going to be. Where do you go from building a shoe? I have no doubt that I will be letting you all know!

by Sally Cameron, midwife, mother of 2 and co-owner of www.earthbabies.co.za . I am  passionate, creative, trying to be Green unschooling single mom. . It’s a journey.

I am by no means a helicopter mom at all.  I do not buzz around my kids checking they are okay every few minutes.  Mostly, I leave them alone to get on with it and let them come and call me if there is a problem. I am not really worried about them hurting themselves or feel that I need to always prevent it.  Sccidents are part of growing up and learning about the world.  Now this stance on parenting has advantages and disadvantages which we highlighted to me over the weekend.

We went to Ngwenya Glass Village on Saturday and it was lovely, such a great venue. We adults could sit under the trees and chat while the kids played in the nearby play area. There are lovely craft shops to mooch around and even pony rides for the kids.

I left my kids to go off and play and checked I could see them now and again but mostly they would appear ask for something or eat a little and then disappear again.

The 4 kids  I was with, were still playing while we sorted out the bill. s we were getting ready  to leave,  Kiara (5yrs) and Rachel (5 yrs) come running over to me to say that a man has put Kiara’s toy dog in his car! They are visibly upset so I get up and walk over to where Cameron ( 7yrs) was to get the rest of the story. They said the dog was on the ground near them while they were playing and a man picked it up and put it in his car. They showed me the man in his late 50’s early 60’s, I guess. He was chatting so some other people, so I went over and asked if he had her dog. He said he did and walked to the car to get it. He said he found it and was going to hand it in at the desk but could not find anyone to give it to?!??!! What??? There were restaurant staff all over the place! I found it really really weird that he put it in his car while the kids watched him do this.

Needless to say I gathered the kids and left quite quickly. I could not figure out if he had spoken to the kids or not but Cam was very insistent that he told the girls to come straight to tell me and not to talk to the man. GO CAM!! We spoke about it in the car and about how they had all done the right thing coming to call me and not talking to the man. It is sucky that the world we live in makes it necessary to have these types of conversations with our kids.

Am I overreacting here or is that just creepy odd behaviour? I am sure there is a possibility that it was innocent but I was not prepared to take a chance. I am just glad that the kids were savvy enough to come and speak to me about it instead of going to the man’s car or anything unthinkable like that.

This got me thinking, should instances like this change the way I parent? Should I be hovering over them more and watching their every move? I truly believe that kids need space and time away from their parents and that it is not good to crowd them too much, but where are the boundaries of safety versus smothering.

It is a sad society when we cannot trust the greater  community around us in the safety of our kids. The sense of being jointly responsible for a child because they form part of our community, seems to be gone.

I would love to hear what other parents think.

by Marc Suttner, the winner of our competition

What do teen pageants say?

That if you’re pretty, you’re winner!

If you’re skinny, you’re a winner!

If you’re cute, you’re a winner!

If you can pout your lips and wiggle your bum, you’re a winner!

If your teeth are white and straight and true, you’re a winner!

If you got legs like a racehorse, you’re a winner!

And, if you’re hungry to win, win, win…then you’re a winner!

But, if you are not pretty, not cute, not skinny, not all these things

What are you?

A loser, stupid!