Comments on: How much freedom should we give our kids?

By: Sheila

Sheila — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 09:48:01 +0000

Human trafficking is a very real problem worldwide, and I heard the other day especially in Africa. In public places we cannot leave our children alone for a second, we should always make sure we can see them and get to them quickly if need be. It’s sick and sad that we have to worry and be so protective, but these are the facts! It will only take a few seconds for someone to kidnap a child, and then it’s too late.

By: Debbie Hemmens

Debbie Hemmens — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 07:40:06 +0000

Sorry parent 101 – I honestly dont think you have a right to measure the reaction cos you were not there.To call someone selfish in an instance like this is also very uncalled for.When you been down the road (hopefully that wont happen), then make an assessment and see how you do. Parenting is not about perfection, its a learning process under Gods guidance.It just makes me angry to see curt replies to a mom who has been through a traumatic experience and is looking for some reassurance that she didnt blow it as a parent!which she didnt!We all parent very differently, and yes I do believe there are some obvious right or wrongs in the process, but when it comes to amounts of freedom given-people’s personalities will play a large role here.

By: Parent101

Parent101 — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 12:06:08 +0000

I think you have made an error here.

Firstly, I think you have over-reacted. There was probably no malice in this situation.

Secondly, if you honestly feel (in your gut or anywhere else for that matter) that this man posed/poses a threat to kids, then why didn’t you take further action?That’s irresponsible. Sacrifices other kids’ safety just because your own kids are alright is downright selfish.

By: Sally

Sally — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 08:14:14 +0000

Thanks for the replies everyone.
Veerash I did trust my instincts and that is why i got out of there with the kids. I also did tell him that he should have given the dog to the management and that it was not okay what he did. But my main aim was to gather the kids and get away. To be honest i did not even think of trying to go and speak to the restaurant staff with 4 kids in tow. As Debbie said you often only think of these things later.
I think Laura the mom of the other kids summed up how I feel about this and how i parent, on her blog http://www.harassedmom.co.za/?p=2809

By: Keeping children safe | Earth Babies Blog

Keeping children safe | Earth Babies Blog — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 07:49:26 +0000

[...] – How much freedom should we give our kids Harassed Mom – Too often we give children answers to remember rather than problems to solve. [...]

By: pavia

pavia — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 22:02:49 +0000

I guess just because of my past childhood not gud experience not being checked on now and then i only tend to relax for my 7 yr only child and she’s a people’s person but now then and i for ever if she’s okay no matter we at relative’s house and sumtimes people get irritated but sory i can’t help it. maybe as she get older i will learn to let her be free.

By: Barbs

Barbs — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 15:01:26 +0000

I think what you are saying does have value we do have a social responsibility BUT i think Sally did the right thing at the time – she did trust her instincts as you so strongly recommended and got her children away from there as fast as she could.
When you are faced with a situation where you are unsure and have your 2 children under 5 and a friends 2 children with you that you are responsible for – getting them out of harms way (real or not) is what comes first – the village must take care of itself in that moment.
I feel your reaction here is reacting protective of potential threat to YOUR child/ren not Sally’s. Each parent first reacts in protection of their own before thinking of the rest of the worlds kids – that is how it should be in the moment. You do not make decisions based on what others think is right, but on what you feel is best for your children – that is why you are their Mother.

By: Celia

Celia — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 13:48:31 +0000

I also questioned my parenting style when a similar incident happened to us. I was at The Pot Shop, and left my son of 10 at the jungle gym while I walked around looking at the pots. He was in sight all the time, but I did not watch him constantly. It was only after we left that my son told me about a worker there who came to speak to him every time my back was turned. He was asked all sorts of personal questions, like where he lived and what his cell number was. Fortunately my son did not give him the details, but was caught in the dilemma of whether to be polite and friendly, or to be suspicious of strangers.

This is a conflict that we have to help our children resolve. We teach them to be polite, have good manners, greet people who greet them – how often have you told your children, “Say hello” or “tell xyz your name” when you meet a friend of yours? Yet in other conversations we tell them not to talk to strangers, and not to give out their names and personal details.

I do not have the answer to this conflict …

By: Michelle

Michelle — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 12:23:44 +0000

Relax, you’ve taught your kids well, and so they knew how to correctly react to the situation. I have 2 kids, and although they are much younger, 4 and 1, I also believe in letting them explore. I agree that certain incidents would possibly make you question your parenting style, but from your children’s reaction, it’s clear that you are a loving, caring and nurturing parent.

By: Debbie Hemmens

Debbie Hemmens — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 11:42:07 +0000

Wow that was quite an experience for you Sally. Ive been there with my young kids, so your experience feels close to home!I tend to be more protective and like to have them in my sight at all times, even if at a distance-mainly because of hearing too many kinds of these stories-Im sorry I don’t trust the greater community at all-sad, but true.But I do feel that Veerash was a bit too harsh in her reply.Its great if you can think on your feet, but too often those great ideas come after you have calmed down, or from someone else like in this instance when they hear what you experienced.I find that in the moment you tend to go into protective mode and want to get out of there, and your mind sort of turns off to thinking of great ideas like questioning the man. I had an instance recently where I was approached in Ackermans, Brightwater Commons by a frindly man asking me if I was enjoying my shopping-first thought was he was a manager, so I said yes (I was on my own, late Fri afternoon), he then touched the skirt I had found and said I see you have found something (warning bells started sounding), then he asked if I was looking forward to the week-end – well I stood a bit dumbstruck and I think he realised this was going nowhere so walked off, but only after he left did I realise what was potentially going down there-unfortunately the moment to say all I would have liked to have said was then gone!Some people are better at the quick thought processing than others.I trust you will never experience what you did again and thank the Lord for your son’s quick thinking-you obviously are a good mother and have trained them well as to how to handle themselves.