2) the 2nd technique is called “that must mean that….” technique. For e.g Your child will not eat dinner. Your response “oh that must mean you are not hungry?” and take the food away. or…. ” oh you don’t want to bath?? that must mean you want to go straight to bed?”
In other words we don’t say “You MUST bath or you MUST eat”. Essentially we are giving the toddler a choice by saying if you don’t behave properly or if you don’t listen it must mean that you need to sleep or sit in your room for a while or not get a treat….
Does this make sense. By using this technique …you are not saying NO or YOU MUST… you are sending a message to the toddler that if they won’t listen to you then it must mean they would rather do time-out or go without food or go straight to bed with no story….
I hope this makes sense. It does work BUT like everything …you need to try this method exclusively.
GOOD LUCK….whichever way you go.

Strongs

i put him in his cot with a bottle and he has a breather, and a bit of a sob, and then calls me when he’s done and tells me “i was sad, but i’m better now”.

as for routine, i cannot emphasise how important it is and how early on i implemented a routine. over two years the routine hasn’t changed much, except to allow for a slightly later bed time (which allows for a slightly later wake-up time) and less day-time naps and to add more toddler activities, as opposed to baby activities.

and when i say consistency i mean that the routine must be stuck to, in our house. regardless of how tired i am, my Kid must still sit at the table and eat a cooked meal, followed by a bath/shower, followed by a baby massage, put pj’s on and (during the week) go then to bed. He knows on the weekends he can lie on the couch with his dad and watch a movie or watch cartoons.

if you don’t believe me that kids LOVE routine/structure – whenever I’m out at night and The BF has to do the night time routine, The Kid tells him what to do/what step comes next, because he doesn’t want his dad to get it wrong and ruin the comfort of routine for him.

So have a think about a sensible routine that’s easy to keep up, and reeeeaaaaallly force yourself to do it. that’s the only way i did it. leave some room for flexibility, but agree with Gina that there be certain basics in the routine that cannot be eliminated.

make sense?

I can totally relate to what you are going through – I have a two year old and a seven year old, both extremely stubborn and determined! At least with a seven year old you can negotiate to a certain extent but Sarah, my 2 year old is impossible. Every evening when I get home from work I tell myself I’m not going to shout tonight, but 9 times out of 10 land up shouting…. at Sarah… and I agree with you, the shouting doesn’t help at all, if anything it makes them worse! What I have found that seems to work is to walk away, if she kicks me when I try and dress her after her bath I have started walking away. She soon calls me back and usually then does behave and lets me dress her. Wish I had more advice for you! It’s so nice to hear other parents going through the same thing (although not nice for you!) Hang in there, hopefully we’ll look back at the ‘terrible two stage’ one day and laugh.
Philippa
P.S. If you do find that manual please let me know!!