I’m a little concerned at the idea that people throw the term ‘race’ & ‘racist’ at everything in life. We are all unique human beings who have preferences and tendencies toward certain things in life but just because we lean towards certain something doesn’t really mean that we are being biased or hateful toward the other. For instance … some people may prefer salt to sugar but does that I mean they hate sugar? No, it doesn’t, they merely have a preference. People often find solace and associate with others that they have something in common with, regardless of gender, race, sex or age. Old people may not choose to hang out with young people and vice versa or Catholic people may not want to hang out with Jewish people or anarchists may not want to hang out with Buddhists, or Zulu people don’t want to hang out with Xhosa people but all of this is ok. These are merely just labels, rather than a state of mind. What is important, is to celebrate our differences and embrace them and the only way to accomplish these things is to lead by example. It’s always important to remember where we came from, the history behind it and the atrocities that have occurred and countless lives that have been lost across all races but to dwell on the past and wallow in it, makes it almost feel like those losses were in vain. Have we learned nothing? We need to move on and look to the future in a brighter and more positive light. You might not be “an angry black” as you so eloquently put it but it certainly come across like you are resentful. This in fact is the sort of thing that perpetuates the “racist” frame of mind. We need to let go of the past, not forget it, there is subtle difference. We need to stop placing so much emphasis on the race thing, it really is overplayed and in doing so, we are keeping it very much alive. The only way forward is to learn from our mistakes and move on.
This is what we should be teaching our children and each other.

I’ve read your post carefully and reading between the lines, it almost sounds like you’re saying that people of your culture suffer more than others. I can assure you that all people of all races and backgrounds feel pain equally. Things like poverty, illness, death, abuse and just the day to day struggles in life affect us all and are just the same for all us, regardless of race. We all encounter a wide variety of prejudices across all areas of life, be it race, religion, age, class distinction, disabilities, sexual preferences etc. and continue to experience these things on a daily basis. You are not alone. Welcome the harsh realities that we call life. It is not however doom and gloom, there is hope out there, every day miracles, in the small gestures we do for each other. That’s how we change the world, by one random act of kindness at a time. I have seen a great many positive things, heard a great deal of stories of people doing good things for each other and these are things have inspired me and continue to inspire me. There is hope for us yet but we all have a role to play in creating change and producing positive outcomes.

Points to ponder ….

let me put it to you like this: since 1995, any display of anger/sadness/self-assertion by black individuals in the presence of white individuals has been met with that argument of yours, effectively closing the space for us to really engage in a dialogue about what happened.

personally i dont even blame white people for apartheid. I blame black people for letting it happen; for dropping the ‘dignity’ ball, as it were.

so dont worry. i dont hate you. I just dont think you think very clearly.

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enjoy your life.

I pray that we as parents are able to let our kids be kids,if we adults don’t take such stuff too personally,neither will the kids. This reminded me of years back when I was 16 and my white pen-friend took me back to her country,Sweden,for a term. On an outing to the zoo,we went to a pen which had a lot of baboons,despite being from Africa,I had never seen baboons in real life before so I was absolutely shocked by the “pinkness” of their behinds so I exclaimed “oh my God,they have got pink bums!!” to which my pen-pal coolly replied “but Polite,we’ve got pink bums,too!!!” and we both burst out laughing!!!

So lets take heart,as a member of the brown race I will always feel that the past hurts against my kind have given the other race an unfair advantage over us,but we are here now and we can make a difference to our circumstances,regardless.

Can’t help but think. How will I ever be able to teach my children to accept others and that they will be accepted if ‘brown and black’ parents will make sure their children will carry on the hatred of the wrongs in the past(Sizwe).

I’ve never understood this ‘logic’ – why and how long must I pay for the mistakes generations before me made?

We will really never get anywhere with attitudes like this! This is really very sad.

I do however not look to deep into what the kids say. My 5 year old just started grade 0 and has been at school for exactly 4 days and still does not remember her friends name. She just refers to her as the ‘fat girl’. I went to fetch her today and asked her to point the little girl out and she pointed to a little black girl.
She never saw colour….only her body shape. I told her to remember the child as Rebecca and not ‘the fat girl’, she just laughed and said….but she calls me ‘shorty’ mom!!!.
Some children see colour first some see size and some see shape.
I really think that the racism issue we see in our children is just a reflection of our experiences.
Living in South Africa is certainly colourful and interesting to say the least. Lets embrace these issues and talk to our children openly about matters and they will make the right choices when they are adults. Have Faith.

You’re right: it is going to be a painfully slow process (even if that is hard to admit sometimes!)and a lot of damage have been done. But you must know that there are people that are truly very sorry that people have been treated in such an inhumane fashion. As for race, my personal belief is that science is proving what the Bible have said for such a long time: it doesn’t exist. The humane genome project have proved that the colour of your skin is as relevant (or not) as the colour of your eyes. We all stem from Adam and we all were created in the image of our Father. To discriminate against another human, is to discriminate against our Holy Father Himself. I agree with all the other readers: celebrate your culture and history: don’t lose that in the process, but also make sure you teach your child how to build bridges between him/herself and other people

Love ya!

She has two brown friends in her class and they are boring. She told you that already. That is a fact.

There are more white kids so the chances are higher that some of the white kids will be funnier and more exciting to be around.

Your kid is smart. She’s making assumptions and evaluating the situation. That’s not to say her final thoughts are right or wrong. I’m just saying that she’s a smart girl and Lucky you for her telling you how she feels and thinks.

Plus she is 3 years old which means she likes to test things out.

Using the term Racist isn’t adequate for this situation. She isn’t racist. She’s just drawing parallels and it’s natural, and normal for her to do so! Unless she is using hate speech with specific terms and jargon about the brown kids then you know she isn’t being brain washed by another kid at school.

Maybe the other 2 brown kids are boring because they feel uncomfortable being the only ones there…. who knows. I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s normal. But you should keep doing what you are doing and encouraging her to like brown people, too. So you are doing the right things! Good for you!