Archive for April, 2010

by Tania Smit , mother of 2 children. She who lives alone with her kids, works during the day and wishes she had more time to spend with them.  She recently lost her husband of 13 yrs.

I recently lost my husband, the love of my life and feel as if my world has fallen apart. I need support but don’t know where to find it. Can anyone help?

My husband and I started dating when I was 15 and he was 19 yrs old.  We were married for 13 years and had two beautiful kids, aged 3 and 5.  Lodewyk, my husband was a wonderful father and husband. He loved the kids.

He was diagnosed with cancer in September and passed away in December; 3 days before Christmas and his 43rd birthday.

Now I am struggling and feel so alone. I cannot talk to anyone. I try to keep myself brave for the kids and at work. I think that if I don’t do this, I will just cry all the time.

I feel like I am falling apart. I yell at the kids, out of pure frustration and tiredness. I am so busy with everything that I must now do on my own, that I don’t spend enough time with them and then also feel really bad about this.

They also feel the loss of their dad and I just don’t know how to deal with it.  Please, if anyone out there can help.  My email address is: tanias@cmp.co.za

by Lihle Z Mtshali, the proud mother of a lovely little lady who thinks she’s Beyonce.  She is Business Editor for The Times by day and Supermom every other time. You can also find her on twitter @lihle_z

I AM a Supermom. Yes, I said it. I do an amazing job as a mother and I am proud of it.

Mothers don’t get enough praise for the hard work they do, so I’m laying it on myself thick, thank you very much.

I am a single mother and have raised my now 12-year-old daughter Thando on my own, with a little help here and there. She visits her father on some school holidays, but the day-to-day demands stare me squarely in the face, every day. I have a very demanding full-time career but I come home every evening and make a healthy meal for my little one; chat to her about her day (there is a lot, she’s a pre-teen); check her homework; watch all her favourite TV shows on the Disney Channel and laugh uproariously at the antics of Zack and Cody, Hannah Mantana and the Wizards of Waverly Place; sing along to her Beyonce CDs and practice the dance moves with her; talk about her fears and hear all her secrets before ensuring that she goes to bed on time every night.

I’d love to lie in on weekends, but alas, she has hip-hop dance classes on Saturday mornings, followed by a birthday party or movies almost every weekend. Sundays it’s church and lunch with friends. Then Monday rolls around again and it’s back to ferrying Thando and her BFF to and from school everyday.

I am such a great mom that even Thando’s best friends come to me with all their pre-teen troubles. They can’t speak to their mothers, they tell me. They don’t come to me because I treat them like equals or friends. They still respect me as a mother figure and an adult and I have no qualms about telling them when they are out of line. But I made a conscious decision not to be the unapproachable mother that our mothers were.

I am 33-years-old and engaged but even now can’t talk to my mother about the man in my life. That door was never opened.

I do all that I do in the name of motherhood with all the love in my heart because nothing, absolutely nothing, fills my heart like seeing a smile on my child’s face.

But, I do get tired and fed up. Sometimes I get so frustrated I want to scream. Sometimes I do scream.

I miss Thando terribly when she goes away to Durban, but when I put her on that plane I give a silent cheer for the break I’m getting.

I used to be ridden with guilt when I got these feelings. I felt like, surely if you are a good mother you don’t get tired and frustrated?

Then I started talking to other mothers and found that I was not the odd one out. Phew! I realised then that not only do we all need a break, but it is absolutely necessary and crucial and enables us to function properly in our roles.

We drive ourselves so hard as mothers, single mothers especially, because we don’t want to be the mother that raised Jack the Ripper or even Candy the stripper. Sorry, exotic dancer. We are also very critical of ourselves and forget that although every once in a while we are capable of amazing acts of perfection; we are, in fact, still human.

So, during the Easter holidays while Thando was away frolicking on the beach with her cousins, having chips and ice-cream every day and no vegetables, I got to sit around in my pyjamas until midday on Saturdays. I got to do whatever I wanted; I got to be me, without the Supermom pressure.

I got to write this.

by Marleen Swart, a wife and mother of two kids. Her passions in life are her family, the internet & gaming. She’s the proud owner of Entirelysims. You can find also find her on  Twitter.

I am extremely concerned about how the current atmosphere in our country is affecting our children. I can say for sure that what happened with the AWB & ANC, is really affecting my son in more ways than one. He is scared and asking a lot of questions.  Questions I find incredibly difficult to answer. He is now 8 years old and in Grade 2.

The questions he is asking are:

1 .  Mommy,  why are the whites cross with the blacks?
2.  Is there going to be a war, mommy?
3.  Mommy, I do not want to die in the war, how can we make things right between the people?

He has a black friend who he loves so much and talks about a lot. We have also met him and his parents and my son can’t understand why white people are now cross with  black people.

It is very difficult not to watch the news or listen to the radio when he is not present. The headlines in the newspapers and on the  lamp posts upset him. Every night when he gets home, he will ask anxiously what is happening and he hears stories from kids at the aftercare center. They say things like “ the blacks are going to kill the whites”. He then gets very scared and upset because he does not want anyone to kill him, us or his black friend.

Since this thing happened last weekend, he sees color. He never referred to anyone as a black man or white woman, no, he referred to them as a woman, man or person.

I do not know how to answer all his questions and would very much appreciate some help. Does anyone have some ideas about how one can explain to children what is going on?

by Gina Jacobson, a mom, a leo.  She works for a  non-profit organisation, is a procrastinator, loves sci-fi, sushi, good books and scrabble.Her blog is made up of A Bit of This a Bit of That.

The scene: Woolworths, Sandton City, Aaron is tired and cranky and being otherwise.  He starts to have a small meltdown, which spirals very quickly into a full-blown Aaron* tantrum.

*An Aaron tantrum is something truly special to behold.  He gets into such a state that he doesn’t know what he wants.  ‘Uppy Daddy, uppy!’ Paul bends down to pick him up.  ‘No uppy Daddy! NO!’  Paul puts him down.  ‘Uppy!!! UPPPPPPY!’  Paul picks him up.  ‘NOOOOOOO Dadddddy, NO uppy!’  Paul puts him down.

You can see where this is going?

It is not always about being picked up, it can be wanting/not wanting a bottle or a toy or the TV on.

We have learnt over the past 2 and half years that nothing, and I really mean nothing, can put an end to an Aaron tantrum except time.  They usually last about 45min at which point he calms down, says sorry and asks to give and receive loves.

So, back to Woolies in Sandton.

Aaron is having an up/down tantrum and this woman walks past and quite angrily tells us to ‘Just pick the child up!’  On the other side of the row a much younger woman passed a comment that she would have smacked him by now.

I saw red!  I literally felt my blood boil.  If they both hadn’t moved off I would have gone and confronted them.  I also started thinking maybe we were missing something; maybe there was a way for us to stop the tantrum in its tracks.

What a cheek!   The older women that told us to pick him up either has no children or her children are grown and she has forgotten about tantrums.  Either way she should have taken two minutes to observe the fact that we were trying to pick him up but he was not having it.

As for the younger woman, I hope one day that when she has children of her own she remembers this and realizes sometimes you just have to let things happen.

Logically I know we did everything we should have for our son.  He doesn’t respond to smacks, he doesn’t respond to ignoring/walking away, he doesn’t respond to hugs or being held.  I know that the only way to deal with an Aaron tantrum is to let it play out.

Emotionally I am wrecked.  That these two totally insignificant strangers can make me doubt myself and second-guess myself when it come to MY son.  I am so mad that they can make me feel that way!

As an aside, there were two very lovely ladies there, one in the queue with us who was so sweet and understanding and a lady that stopped to see if we needed any help and to commiserate with us.  She told us that she knew how we felt, she had been there and we should just stay strong.

How do you deal with public tantrums?

by Barrie Bramley , a father, a husband and an eager student in the art of loving life. His passion is to create and see the world differently. From time to time he writes for ‘‘Jozikids’. Visit Barrie on his  web or twitter page.

For most of us, when we think ‘Jozi Kids’ we think children and possibly pre-teens or tweens. But today as I was driving my mother back home from Grannie’s Day at my children’s school, I realized, at the age of 40,  I too am a Jozi Kid.

Somewhere in Scott Peck’s book, The Road Less Travelled, is a page where he suggests, that one of the most difficult developmental stages for us adults, is to see our parents as adults, and our parents to see us as adults.

When I bring this thought up in conversation with my peers, we often giggle nervously at the reminder of what we become when we ‘go back home’ to visit mom and/or dad. We transform almost instantly from competent business people, parents and adults, as we so quickly take our position in our parents home as a child once again. For some this looks like lying on the couch like we did as teens waiting for mom to offer us her specially made coffee or tea. We switch on the TV while she heads off to the kitchen to make her ‘little girl/boy’ a nice cup of something. All the warm mushy feelings of our childhood kick back in as we give up our adult identity and become child once again. And for most of us it works. Mom/Dad is happy to be back in their role as caring parent, and we’re happy as we escape our busy lives full of difficult responsibility into child mode.

But there’s a less giggly nuance to this picture I’m discovering, as I experience my mother getting older and less able to remember. It’s been a difficult journey for me to watch my mother get older, weaker and less able in areas that she was once highly competent. My mother was a fighter. She was a vociferous white liberal in a community of less liberal friends and family. She collected outstanding money for my dad’s business. She walked several kilometers each day. There wasn’t a person or an issue she wouldn’t take on if she felt strongly enough about it.

My struggle isn’t with my mother getting older. It’s with me having to grow up.

I made this realisation today because I felt easier being with my mom Today my new skill was acceptance. In accepting my awkwardness and pain, I wasn’t frustrated that she couldn’t remember. I didn’t get impatient that she’s struggling to walk unassisted. Instead, I helped her to both remember and get to where we were needing to go. I felt a little reconnection to my mom, and I hope like hell she felt something as well. A better son. An understanding son. A compassionate and caring son. The son I once was. The son she remembers. The son who disappeared for a while because of his own inability to deal with a shifting relationship.

I have a distance to go still. I have those nasty internal voices to fight still. I have those people who judge and label me as the absent son to shield myself from. I have some help to find for my own growth. I don’t have time on my side.

I have a mom to reconnect with. In a new way, but in an old way.

Plot Summary: In “Nanny McPhee 2,” Oscar®-winning actress and screenwriter Emma Thompson returns to the role of the magical nanny who appears when she’s needed the most and wanted the least in the next chapter of the hilarious and heartwarming fable that has enchanted children around the world.

In the latest installment, Nanny McPhee appears at the door of a harried young mother, Mrs. Isabel Green (Maggie Gyllenhaal), who is trying to run the family farm while her husband is away at war. But once she’s arrived, Nanny McPhee discovers that Mrs. Green’s children are fighting a war of their own against two spoiled city cousins who have just moved in and refuse to leave.

Relying on everything from a flying motorcycle and a statue that comes to life to a tree-climbing piglet and a baby elephant who turns up in the oddest places, Nanny McPhee uses her magic to teach her mischievous charges five new lessons.

Reviews:
Here are the  original  reviews of Nanny Mcphee and the Big Bang who qualified for the Ster Kinekor give aways. Congratulations and thank you to our winners

1. Review by Caydon Stanley:
I saw Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang yesterday and it was even better than the first movie.  It had more tricks and laughs and most important,  lessons to be learnt.  Little children tended to jump at the loud and sudden sounds but that was forgotten quickly as the movie carries  you  into the next exciting scene. There was lots of mud and getting dirty which the city cousins hated. All’swell that ends well. I give it a 5* rating.

2. Review by Deolinda Da Silva:
Everyone loves Nanny McPhee.  Children look at this movie and see boundaries.  Moms like me, say “I need Nanny McPhee”.  I came out of the movie, saying “Nanny McPhee, we need you!”. Yes, it was somewhat predictable, but Emma Thompson is still amazing in her role as the strict governess who reigns with her “wooden” rod.  Good for a laugh and fun to watch the kids reaction throughout.

3. Review by 9 yr old Aashna Beepan:
Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang is funny, exciting and full of adventures.
Nanny McPhee has 5 lessons to teach the children:
1. No Fighting.
2. Sharing.
3. Working together.
4. Be brave.
5. Faith
Adults and kids will enjoy this movie.

4. Review  by Lesley Grosset:
We found this movie to resonate old worlde charm with a touch of magic and mystique.Its every day humour highlights the enduring principles portrayed and the elements of fantasy make the audience feel part of the characters’ world!

5. Review by  9 yr old Rachel Edelstein
I saw Nanny McPhee last night. It was a really funny movie and I got a lot of laughs out of it! As Nanny McPhee says, “when you need me but do not want me I must stay, but when you want me but no longer need me then I must go” . Therefore this is a new generation of the same family who need her help. One of the parts I thought was hilarious was when Miss Topsy and Miss Turvy threatened to “stuff” Phil, the kids’ uncle, if he didn’t sell the farm. Ew! I couldn’t help myself from packing out laughing!!!

by Robyn Cameron, entrepreneur, firedancer, self employed domestic worker, chef at home. Passionate about education, philosophy, music, nature, animals, crafts & South Africa. General manager and shareholder at Hire Education. You’ll also find her on twitter.

For most of us school holidays might not provide the temporary relief from our insane schedules that we hoped. Sure, two weeks of no traffic is great, but the main question on your mind will probably be – what to do with the kids?

Well that question has already been answered by Jozikids, the great website you are on.

So that solves one problem, but now for the next:

How do you keep your childs brain working and ensure that they don’t forget everything learnt in the previous term?

Holidays are the best time to book a tutor to provide extra lessons to consolidate what has been taught, as well as to fill in any gaps. This ensures that your child is prepared and has a good, solid foundation to build upon with new concepts in the new term.

I’m sure the last thing you will want to do is give up that extra sleep time in the morning that you save from not having to do the school run, in order to taxi your child to extra holiday lessons. Well, there are a couple of companies that provide tutors that travel to your home, to provide 1-on-1 extra lessons to your child, some even during holidays!  Keep an eye out for my next blog post which will give you tips on what to look for when choosing a tutoring company.

If your child is in Matric this year, then extra lessons during the holidays are a necessity! Did you know that Matric exams start the first week after holidays?!

Click here to download the SA Dept of Education’s 2010 May/ June Senior Certificate Exam Timetable.

I want to share a quote that I thought was quite appropriate, “Talent alone won’t make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: ‘Are you ready?’ ” Johnny Carson

Please feel free to share your comments on how you help your child to be ready for the start of the new term and prepare for exams.

By Stephen Doyle, father of 2 boys,  loves surfing, fishing, canoeing and mountain biking.  An avid rugby fan and general manager of PowerPlastics Pool Covers

When my oldest boy was 3yrs old, he took a plastic chair and a brick, wedged the bottom half of the pool fence gate open with the brick, then climbed on a chair to unlock the top latch and slipped in.  The gate closed behind him and the pool was uncovered. Fortunately I was watching and acted immediately. I was lucky but not all parents are.

Drowning remains one of the top causes of unnatural childhood death in South Africa. According to recent statistics, nearly 72% of near-drownings occur around the home and only 1.22% at the beach. Three-year-old children seem particularly vulnerable and constitute almost half the total. Furthermore, for every child that dies from drowning, five are left with permanent brain damage from the lack of oxygen that occurs in a near-drowning.

Drowning is commonly a silent event. The child makes no noise to alert their parent or carer. Babies can drown in just a few centimetres of water in the time it takes to make a cup of coffee.

Overseas, pool safety is a legislative issue and pool builders are obliged by law to advise on and fit adequate safety measures to any pool they install. South Africa has at last tabled similar municipal by-laws but this has merely resulted in heated debates and petitions about the proposed legislation, not in any decisive action. Yet.

“There are massive discrepancies when one compares safety legislation in other industries. The motor industry is not allowed to manufacture vehicles without seatbelts and neither can the chemical industry be negligent with hazardous substances. Open pools are equally dangerous A solid safety pool cover is the most effective physical layer of safety, as long as it has drainage holes to avoid rain or sprinkler-water forming a small puddle on top of the cover. Just a few millimetres of water can be fatal to a curious child.

But a cover only saves lives if it is actually on the pool. Being lazy about re-securing a pool after use is surprisingly common. The new safety covers on the market are hassle-free and without hooks and eyelets – no brute force required which is great news for Moms! Next time you ‘can’t be bothered’, consider the alternative – retrieving a lifeless child from your pool due to your negligence?

Even if one doesn’t have children, it is still crucial to consider safety for visitors. Often toddlers unaccustomed to being near pools are most at risk. Families living in residential complexes with a communal pool should insist that their body corporate install a safety cover.

It might be more socially acceptable to label child drowning as ‘accidental’ but strip the sugar-coating and what you’re left with is actually involuntary manslaughter. And that is not a label anyone wants to wear.