Archive for October, 2010

by Emma Levine, mother to the two most amazing and beautiful kids in the world.  Everyday with them is  special. You can email her at levine@leonora.co.za.

My husband walked out on me and our 2 year old son, Luca, on the day that our 2nd son, Tiano was born.

I thought that the hardest part about being  divorced was being a single parent. Then after my husband moved to Cape Town to live with his ‘girlfriend’ I realized that not having a father around was far worse. The last time that he saw his two kids was on 21 September (today is 28 October). Even when he was in JHB for 1 and ½ weeks at the beginning of October he did not attempt to see them. He promised to visit his kids every two weeks, but now he is claiming that he has no money.

Before he left, he was seeing the kids three to four times a week. Yet he told everybody that I would not let him see the kids. Even though I let him talk to Luca everyday on the phone, he told everybody I would not let him talk to Luca.

In the beginning the only support came from my parents. All ‘our’ friends dropped me, and even friends that were friends for a while after he left, dropped me. I didn’t want any help from anybody else because I wanted to do everything myself. On 24 July at Luca’s first sports day my ex-husbands brother’s family was there to support Luca. They were really nice to me… They have since been a huge support, together with my ex mom-in-law, much to my ex’s disgust.

Everyday I felt like I was climbing out of a deep hole. Every now and again, I would stumble, but I would pick myself up, wipe the dust off and try again. Luca walks around the house calling ‘pappa’. He talks to ‘pappa’ on his hand as if it were a telephone. When he went to soccer for the first time he ran onto the field shouting ‘pappa, pappa.’ Despite everything that I have been through, this is the most painful thing to experience. The hurt manifests itself physically as a sharp, searing pain in my heart. Sounds like a cliché, but it is very true.

I am struggling to accept the fact that their father is not interested in them. Every time I look into my kids eyes, tears start to well up. I am upset and angry that there will be no father around for father-sons days at school, for soccer, for the first bike ride and for many other amazing experiences. I have started to look around for support groups in my area to talk to other single parents but I am struggling to find any. Most are online, which is great, but I would like to build a local network. Is anybody interested in forming a support group in the Sandton area or knows of a support group in the area.

by Kerry Haggard, mother to the two most beautiful boys that ever there were. She’s willing to do pretty much anything for the two little Haggards, but every now and then she does draw the line – and hopes that they will understand why one day. You can follow her on Twitter: @KerryHaggard

When I was growing up, Hallowe’en was a thing we saw on American movies – it was never a big deal in South Africa, probably because our parents were concerned about the security of children wandering around the streets after dark, and because dressing up in black was probably against some apartheid law or other. While I think most parents still have security concerns, the advent of security estates and boomed off areas has created safe pockets for trick or treating – and then of course there’s the business opportunity for everyone from Pick n Pay and Woolworths to China City to make extra income from costumes and themed sweets.

Playschools, crèches, primary schools and communities have Hallowe’en themed parties across the suburbs now, commemorating a Celtic festival (or a selection of festivals, depending on your choice of origin (Halloween background) that they have little knowledge or insight about. Children whose parents have spent a small (or large) amount of money on costumes compete to see who is dressed the best, and who can liberate the largest haul of sweets from willing neighbours. Mostly, the ‘tricking’ is pretty harmless, but those houses who choose not to participate are at risk of the displeasure of mischievous participants.

So why am I particularly ‘omgekrap’ about an extended fancy dress party?

Hallowe’en is not a part of my culture, just as Makar Sankranti, Purim and Hola Mahalla are not part of my culture – and interesting though they are, I don’t celebrate them. Hallowe’en may have been a part of the culture of my Celtic ancestors, but it has never part of my culture as a Christian-raised South African. I don’t see why we celebrate summer’s end at the beginning of our summer (which is one of the backgrounds to Hallowe’en), and seeing as we are blessed with electricity these days, we don’t need to consider the intricacies of old fires and new ones.

My children are blessed to want for nothing. They have all the toys they could ever need, they have a warm bed at night, and while I’m sure they would say they could never have enough, they have plenty of sweets and treats to break the monotony of good healthy food!

Yet, each year, the note comes home from playschool – please dress your child up for Hallowe’en*. We see neighbourhoods organizing trick-or-treating – which in my (admittedly rather cynical) point of view is nothing more than door-to-door begging for something that you really don’t need.

So what do I do about Hallowe’en, without making my children the odd one out? Every year, I remember at the last minute that I need to buy a costume of some sort, and I tear out to the nearest shop and make a plan (adding stress to an already pretty full calendar). I put my boys in costumes because I don’t want them to be the only ones in ‘civvies’ at their school, completely left out of the fun of dressing up and shouting ‘BOO!’ at their friends all day (and I will admit – it is fun for them). Peer pressure is a wonderful marketing tool, isn’t it?

But I will not have my children begging for sweets when there are others not so far out there who don’t even have food for one meal a day, never mind three. If that makes me a horrible mother, then so be it.

*In all fairness, it is never an instruction from the schools my boys attend, it is always a request.

by Jayshree Sita, mom to 2 gorgeous, lively kids, Amishka 9yrs and Vishen  5yrs.  She traded the glamorous life of a chartered accountant to become a teacher. She’s also an aspiring writer and artist who is passionate about self-development and keeping her family happy.

After the long World Cup Holidays, my kids enjoyed another two weeks of holidays at the end of August.  So I was surprised that just last Wed, they were home again on mid-term break, for a full five and a half days.

Normally, this would have stressed me out a bit, because despite being a ‘stay-at-home’ mom, I have very busy days filled with home repairs, admin, shopping, studying and  assignments ( I am currently doing a  creative writing course) and all sorts of other obligations. When the kids are on a break, if I don’t plan  fun activities they tend to spend too much time watching TV and playing wii games, and  I end up feeling  guilty.

This time around, I decided to plan to do meaningful things with them. We drew up a list together. Some of the things we included and actually managed to do together were:

A visit to my mum & sister – so that they could appreciate time with Granny, Aunty and cousins in Lenasia, a township quite different from Sunninghill, and I could relax and read my book.

A clean out of some toys, books and clothes, and a drop off at Sefikeng Primary School which is located inside Leeukop prison- I wanted them to see the conditions at the school, and how different it looks from their own private school, and hopefully to recognise how privileged they are.

A visit to the Bryanston Organic Flea market – they loved this one, and spent an hour dipping candles and doing sand art.  We also purchased two beautiful works of art made from recycled paper – a chance for me to discuss caring for the environment.

A lunch outing at an adult restaurant-where they behaved themselves reasonably well and we played ‘hangman’ to keep ourselves entertained – so we didn’t need a jungle gym.

A visit to ToysRus. – one for my son, who had received a gift voucher for his birthday- he had to think carefully about what to buy, since his voucher had a limited value, so it was an exercise in decision making and how to spend limited resources wisely.

A drop off at the Mondi recycling bin of old newspapers- once again….an opportunity to teach them how to make a difference to ‘saving the trees’.

Having family friends over for Sun lunch – the mom is my very good friend, and the kids are friends with both my kids, hence their playdate was my playdate. I even gave my daughter a list of things to do to help me prepare for the guests .

A morning with Dad –My hubby took my son shopping for a new bicycle then proceeded to teach him to ride without training wheels.  He  also took my daughter shopping for her upcoming school camp, while I went to a book club breakfast and then bought  seedlings at a nursery, which my daughter planted with her Dad later that evening.

Board games- They even ended up enjoying a lo…ong game of monopoly- an old favourite of my school holidays.  Thankfully, I went bankrupt and could duck out of half way through the game.

All in all, it turned out to be a wonderful mid-term break!

by  Michael Marinus, an early thirties  dad of Megan(3) and James(1) who also works as a Chiropractor in Joburg You’ll find him on twitter @mikemarinus or visit his blog

We, like many South African families, live nestled away from the main roads and hub-bub of the city in a secure complex in the suburbs. This can, at times, be the cause of much frustration what with having to deal with body corporates and nosy neighbours, but it also allows for a safe environment in which our children can play, ride bikes and come 31st October, go trick or treating in the evenings without fear.

My wife and I found ourselves completely unprepared for this when the knock came on the door the year we moved in. “Trick or Treat” cried the ragtag bunch of miniature Batman’s, Princesses and Ben 10 lookalikes crowded around our front door shoving and jostling for position. We looked at each other in dismay and sheepishly ended up fishing in our wallets for coins and raiding the pantry for Safari dried fruit sticks.  That was, in our ignorance, all we had to offer.

This resulted in groans and half-hearted thank-you’s as they bustled out of our driveway shaking their heads in disbelief and comparing the contents of each other’s Pick ‘n Pay packets.  It has taken a hearty sweet collection and much convincing in the following years to entice them back to our door at Halloween and not have them scowl at us as they cycle past our house till Christmas.

Since having children of our own we have become more in tune with events like Halloween and now try our best to fill their baskets with ‘lekkers’,  sending  them home to their parents high on sugar for a night of no sleep, sore tummies and multicoloured vomiting.  Just what we would expect other parents to do to our kids.

This year my kids will be old enough to join in the fun and I am looking forward to haunting the complex along with them and all the mini Frankensteins, Wondergirls and hopefully the odd, proudly South African, Tokoloshe. Maybe we will even meet some new neighbours, one or two of whom I’m secretly hoping will be as unprepared as we were and the Scrooge McDuck title can eventually be handed over.

I encourage all parents to go pumpkins out this Halloween and share in your child’s and all the other children’s make-believe magic. Even if it is an American tradition, why not embrace it with South African style by dressing your little one up as Liewe Heksie while you do your best Johan van der Walt impression complete with teeth?  So give up an old sheet to transform your little angel into a growling ghost or use that tacky 70’s shirt taking up space in the back of your cupboard to complete his Austin Powers transformation!  Get involved and who knows, you might just look good in Superman leggings!

by Sine Thieme, a writer and mother of four who is new to South Africa and busy chronicling her experiences on her blog, Joburg Expat.

The golden leaves are waving in the crisp autumn air, little feet are scurrying onto porches lined with jack-o-lanterns, cries of “trick or treat!” are echoing through the neighborhood… Actually, that seems to be other people’s Halloween fantasy. Let me come right out and make a confession: I really do not like Halloween! I don’t like dressing up, I don’t like buying costumes, let alone sewing them, I’ve had to force myself to show enthusiasm going to the pumpkin patch to help the kids pick their pumpkins, I don’t like decorating the house, and most of all I hate all the candy coming home, on a weeknight to boot, when it seems like our goodie bags are still full from Valentine’s Day.

Imagine my delight about moving to South Africa: I’d finally be rid of having to deal with Halloween! But to my horror, I’ve since learned otherwise. Trick or treating seems to be the great new thing in all neighborhoods around us. What’s more, South African kids don’t seem to get the “or” part of “trick or treat” – from what I’ve heard, you end up dishing out candy and having your house vandalized. As every year, my kids are scheming what they’ll be this time, and trust me, it’ll involve brand-new gear. So not only am I looking at another round of trick or treating, I have the additional challenge of finding costumes and pumpkins and whatnot in a place I can’t even find apple sauce and chocolate chips!

But the good news is that at this time of year Joburg evenings are mild and balmy, so at least we’ll be strolling down the street in short sleeves, beer in hand, meeting some of our new neighbors while thinking of our friends back home who are breaking out the mittens and ski coats and freezing their butts off.

by Sine Thieme, a writer and mother of four who is new to South Africa and busy chronicling her experiences on her blog, Joburg Expat.

by Joy Robyn Dembo, married, with an 18 year old son and a 25 year old daughter.  Addicted to the www, particularly Twitter. Recruitment Response Handling Consultant and Freelance Copywriter, vegetarian and animal lover.  Here’s her blog.

Can you imagine the end of Seafood by the year 2048, the ocean without fish and no more seafood meals? No?

Then you need to stop sticking your head in the sand, like an ostrich, and take your children to see “End of The Line”, if we are to protect our marine environment and ensure that our children’s children are not faced with impending starvation, we need to educate our children, and ourselves, about this looming disaster.

Narrated by Ted Dansen, this full length major documentary reveals the impact that rampant overfishing is having on our oceans, and the devastating global consequences thereof. . It discusses the imminent distinction of the bluefin tuna and the impact on marine life, resulting from overpopulation of jellyfish.

Written by investigative reporter, Charles Clover, the film follows his journey of discovery, as he confronts politicians and celebrity restaurateurs, who have shown little regard for the destruction we are wreaking on the oceans. The film was two years in the making and took Clover from the Straits of Gibraltar to the coasts of Senegal and Alaska, and the Tokyo Fish Markets.  It features top scientists, fishermen and fisheries enforcement officials whose aim is to send an urgent wake up call to the world.

The film shows how high tech fishing vessels leave no escape for fish populations, and warns that fish farming will definitely not be a viable solution.

The film blames uneducated consumers, who continue to buy endangered fish, as well as politicians who ignore scientific evidence, and the global fishing industry that chooses to ignore the problem.

The movie offers simple solutions, such as implementing strict fishing controls, which will include reducing the number of fishing vessels around the world and protecting areas of the ocean, by demarcating “off-limits to fishing” areas. The film also proposes educating consumers.

In short, Tom Clover is urging us to stop thinking of the ocean as a food factory, and protect our vast and intricate marine environment.

After seeing the film, top chef’s such as Jamie Oliver and deli, retail and restaurant owners, worldwide, have taken positive steps towards protecting the blue tuna, sword fish and skate.  Celebrities such as Charlize Theron, Woody Harrelson and Alicia Silverstone have pledged their support to the End of the Line, and Prince Charles has thrown his weight behind the marine life campaign.

South Africans are urged to see The End of the Line, take cognisance of what Tom Clover has to say, only buy fish from accredited retailers and ask their favourite restaurants where they buy their fish.

by Jayshree Sita, mom to 2 gorgeous, lively kids, Amishka 9yrs and Vishen  5yrs.  She traded the glamorous life of a chartered accountant to become a teacher. She’s also an aspiring writer and artist who is passionate about self-development and keeping her family happy.

I was once again frustrated with my 5 yr old because he did not want to get ready for school, and was wondering how best to get him to co-operate with the early morning routine. I’ve tried many times to have rules that we agree on, as well as incentive plans and punishments. Somehow, none seem to have worked consistently.

I remembered an idea in the Stephen Covey book, “7 Habits of Effective Families”…suggesting we formulate a family vision and mission statement, including  a set of family values to guide us.

So, I thought that if we agreed on “punctuality” as a family value, this might work better than the “be on time or else…” philosophy.

I  decided to define and agree on values together with my kids. This is what we came up with:

1.       Be caring and kind to each other

handy when kids or parents get angry and want to lash out

help family members support each other in times of need

2.       Take care of our things

A  way to remind kids to care for their toys & books as well as the family property

3.       Have fun together

The kids idea – an important reminder to adults to see the world through their innocent eyes

4.       Be honest

so that we know that we can trust each other

Do the right thing according to your conscience

5.       Learn to say sorry

to show empathy and not be afraid to make mistakes in relationships, but have the courage and humility to make amends.

6.       Be punctual

Necessary to get to school on time

7.       Share work

So that they realize that Mom and Dad and the Nanny are not the only ones who need to work around the house, that everyone should have  responsibilities.

8.       Respect privacy

everyone needs a space to call their own, a space to retreat when feelings are hurt, and to keep their special things.

9.       Everyone gets a turn to talk, and the rest must listen without interrupting

The basis of all respectful interactions and helps to understand each other, making for a harmonious home.

10.   Share stories

Builds a family history to know about each person’s day.

Builds conversation skills.

Keeps relationships special.

11.   Learning is important

If kids accept this, they stay motivated to go to school, do homework and study independently.

If they learn for pleasure, the world will be their oyster.

12.   Say thank you every day

Allows them to appreciate all the good things in their lives

13.   Everyone is unique and special in their own way

Allows us to respect differences

Allows individuality to develop

Allows unique talents to be nurtured

I must admit, drawing up this list felt a lot better than drawing up a list of rules. I felt great that my kids agreed to everything on the list- in fact they came up with a lot of it. I also know that agreeing on the values is only half the battle won, living by them will be the challenge.

Bearing in mind that we all learn by experience and not by words, I guess the journey has just begun.

by Joy Robyn Dembo, married, with an 18 year old son and a 25 year old daughter.  Addicted to the www, particularly Twitter. Recruitment Response Handling Consultant and Freelance Copywriter, vegetarian and animal lover.  Here’s her blog.

Charlie St. Cloud , will go on circuit on Friday October 22nd . It is one of those “feel good movies” that is a mix of love and sadness, laughter and tearsrelationships, and even a sprinkling of sport!

The movie is based on Ben Sherwood’s touching novel “The death and Life of Charlie St. Cloud”. Charlie, played by Zac Efron, is a teenager with a bright future.  He lives with his mom and 11-year old brother in a small Mid-Western American town, and although he is very close to his younger brother,  he is looking forward to embarking on an exciting new chapter in his life.

Charlie has a passion for sailing, and has become an accomplished sailor, and as such, has been awarded a Sailing Scholarship to attend Stanford University.

His baby brother, Sam,  played by the adorable Charlie Tahan,  has dreams of becoming a top notch baseball player and Charlie promises to meet him every day at Sunset, to coach him, until he leaves for Stanford.

Tragically, the brothers are involved in a devastating car accident, which briefly claims both their lives, but Charlie is miraculously brought back from “the light” by a dedicated Paramedic, played by Ray Liotta.  Sam, unfortunately, cannot be saved.

Charlie is completely and utterly inconsolable, and for all intents and purposes may as well be dead, as he cannot imagine facing life without his brother.

At Sam’s funeral Charlie runs from the graveside into the adjoining forest, trips and falls, just as the sound of the sunset cannon resounds through the little village, and as he gets up, he sees Sam, baseball and mitt in hand, ready for his sunset coaching session. Charlie vows to keep the promise he made to his brother to meet him every day at sunset for their baseball coaching session.

Sam becomes reclusive, until… five years later… an old school friend, and fellow sailor, played by beautiful Canadian actress, Amanda Crew, comes back into his life, after a long absence, and Charlie falls deeply in love with her.

I am not going to be a spoiler and give the rest away, but suffice it to say, the movie captivated me, and as this romantic drama unfolded, I realised that G-d does indeed have a plan for all of us!

The author talks about “the bond between two brothers, the sense of deep loss,  being frozen in time, and the liberating power of love”, and this is essentially what this heart warming story is about.  It’s about relationships and brotherly love, it’s about making choices, it’s about moving on, and above all it shows how love can really conquer all.

Charlie St. Cloud is not for the under 12’s, but teens and mom’s will love it!

Director, Burr Steers, of “17 Again” fame, was literally “drawn to this tale of love, loss and renewal”, and the screenplay has really done Sherwood’s novel proud.

With a brilliant cast, which also includes a brief appearance by Kim Basinger as Charlie and Sam’s mother, Charlie St. Cloud, is a movie I could definitely watch again!

by Graeme Sacks, a freelance guitarist, jingle writer and co-composer/producer/arranger/engineer of (amongst other things) kids music in the “African Treehouse” & “Goggatjie” series

As a composer I tend to spend a lot of my time in isolation, cooped up in a recording studio. I was aware that my CDs were selling, but they were being bought by faceless, nameless people. It’s always difficult to know if anyone really likes the music, and what kind of impact the albums are making. So it was a great surprise for me to see 140 kids  enthusiastically belting out my lyrics on a stage last week!

A few months ago, I received a call from the principal of St Dominic’s pre school. She asked for permission to use some of the songs from my CD “The African Alphabet” for the school’s end-of-year concert. A week ago, my songwriting partner and I were invited to the concert. We were expecting a little nursery school concert with a few kids on stage. Instead what we saw was a fantastic production comprising around 140 kids, well rehearsed and wearing the most beautiful costumes. Lions, elephants, hippos, kudu and even a life-size cardboard taxi! And the entire show was based on the African Alphabet CD. Quite an emotional experience for me!

Whenever we receive an email or a phone call from someone who has bought one of our albums, it makes it all worthwhile. It’s really nice to know that your music has made some kind of an impact, no matter how small.

So next time you read a book or hear a song that moves you, take some time to send a note to the artist. It gives us motivation to keep on making music, and you’d be surprised at how happy it will make someone!

Click here to view video clips of the St Dominic’s concert:

Click here to view photos from the concert

Graeme recently released a new kids CD entitled “African Numbers“, another invaluable teaching tool for parents and teachers.

provided by Matthew Ballenden, dad to Isabella & owner of the Fresh Earth Food Store, an organic health store and vegetarian restaurant with a  great online store.  Visit their website to find out more.

Cakes are for celebrating or simply to spoil your family. When we bake cakes we choose the best ingredients we can find. The finer the ingredients the finer the cake (try using an Organic stone ground flour next time you bake a cake).

Here is one of my favourite chocolate cake recipes which is suitable for kids (and big people) who are wheat or gluten intolerant.

Ingredients

35g Cacao powder
80ml Hot Water
150g Dark Eating Chocolate, melted
150g Butter, melted
295g Brown Sugar, firmly packed
100g Hazelnuts, finely ground
4 Organic Eggs, separated
20g Cacao powder (extra)

Method

Preheat the oven to 180 degrees.
Grease a deep, 20cm, round cake tin and line with baking paper.
Blend the cacao powder with the water in a large bowl until smooth.
Stir in the melted chocolate, butter, sugar, finely ground hazelnuts and egg yolks.
Beat the egg whites in a small bowl until soft peak stage.
Fold into chocolate mixture in two batches.
Pour mixture into prepared cake tin and bake for one hour.
Stand cake for 15 minutes. Turn onto wire rack, top side up, to cool.
Dust with extra cacao powder.
Serve with cream or ice cream and fresh gooseberries.

Browse through other healthy recipes on from Fresh Earth Food Store: http://www.freshearth.co.za/store/c-2-healthy-recipes.aspx