Whether or not to send my child to school?
By Sholain Govender-Bateman , Pretoria based journalism lecturer who worked at The Star, Pretoria and other news publications. She also edited MyWeek magazine and loveLife magazine. She is mum to two gorgeous girls, Isobel and Aishwari, and wife to Barry.
Isobel will be turning 3 in May. She’s speaking in full sentences, fully potty trained, can hold a pencil and almost paint within the lines of a picture. She can kick a ball, count to ten bar a few missing numbers when she is in a hurry to get to ten, do a forward roll and is a social butterfly. Yet, I’m still in two minds about sending her to pre-school.
My mum says I’m being overprotective, even paranoid, and whilst she may be right, I also believe that my fears are valid. Like 
most parents, I will do anything to keep my child from harm and ensure that she is happy – is that so wrong?
I’m afraid of Isobel picking up bad habits from other toddlers(is she still a toddler?), being bullied, getting bullied or getting abused in some way. I don’t want her to feel like we’re taking her away from her second mum, her nanny Kate who also looks after my younger daughter, Aishwari(3 months old). What if she is influenced by other adults in a way that I don’t like? Maybe I’m even jealous that other people would then be included in the task of raising my child? What if she feels rejected and regresses with her speech and potty training or becomes introverted?
There are pros, of course – she will make new friends and pick up new skills and words – but she is already exposed to different skills and words everyday through constructive and free play. She has a play gym, trampoline and soccer nets and balls so that she develops her motor skills. And she sings nursery rhymes with actions and dances to almost any music.
So do I send her to school or not? What do you think?
Hi Sholain. So know the feeling – sent my daughter last year when she was almost 4 – two months after I stopped breastfeeding (yes – I’m THAT mom). Its never an easy decision, and for each person I guess its very different.
I do know now that a big part of my reluctance was all about me, not my little girl. I wanted to keep her safe and really did (and still do) believe no one else could possible replace me as her primary care giver.
On the other hand, I realised (not without the help of a few bottles of red wine) that I couldn’t keep her with me for ever – she is exceedingly smart (I happen to think) and very sociable, and she needed to learn how to interact with people her own size, and learn the things they need to learn – as a individual and in a group.
She loves it btw – and I am one of those annoying moms that needs to know everything that happens all the time – so I keep the poor teachers on their toes. But you’ll find they are used to slightly insane moms, and your radar will pick up immediately if there is anything to worry about.
Give it a bash – choose carefully and be involved with the school – and I’m sure you’ll see what a blessing it actually is. Especially the sudden availability of a few hours of you time – when you can do things like close the door when you go to the Loo!
Good luck whatever you decide – just remember the issues you have now will still be around when she turns 4 and 5 and 6…eventually its gonna have to happen. Sigh…
I sent my child to school since she was 8 months old! Yeap, I’m the busy working mum, guilty one. But I have no regrets. She adjusts so well to Gr R recently. I can tell she’s more confident and sociable compared to other kids on their first day in school. I must say she’s also tough and fit. Well, as you know once the child’s in creche, she/he gets exposed to all sorts of diseases, which I believe is a good thing as it builds up immune system in the child. I can tell that she’s also easy with what the real world requires i.e. rules, discipline, team work, social interaction, self esteem, sharing, caring…
Yes, there’s good and bad influence but if you choose the pre-school properly, the good will outweight the bad. (Plus, your child gets invited to so gazillion birthday parties..not sure if this is good or bad…)
Just my 2cents worth.
Good luck.
Plus, your girl is so gorgeous and adorable!
Hi,
My opinion
Even when she starts school, you will still be her primary caregiver and educator. You will be for a very long time. From the sounds of things you have given her a great foundation and she will be confident because of her start in life – full of love and support and a wealth of experiences.
I would suggest sending her though. At this age it is nice for them to start making friends, having a space away from us that they can happily report to us on. My daughter loves coming home and telling me all about her eventful days. It is inevitable that they venture out into school, even if only in Gr 1. But with the right choice in school now you are allowing your child to become accustomed to the idea, make friends and discover others, but never replace you.
Just my thoughts – my daughter adores creche. She goes to a great school and they understand me, my questions and acknowledge that the parents are still the primary caregiver. We work together, to give her the best we can.
Good luck, it is not an easy decision, as a mom, but I stand by mine. I hope you find the answer you need.
Hi
Keep her at home, my little girl who also is turning 3 at the end of march is staying at home with me for this year, we signed her up last year at a very good school and the principal told me to keep her at home with me if I can and only let her come through at the age of 4 to 000( triple 0)
I really think they are just too little to fight for themselves, and they need to if they are at creche, I know its good for them as a social skill but at such a tender age, emotional development is much more important then social.
Good luck in your decision, its not any easy one for any mom to make.
I’m also battling with the very same problem…making the decision that is! My son turned 3 in September last year. He’s an only child & is taken care of by his nanny. My fear though is that I’m sending him into the world at such a tender age when he has a full time care giver and all the amenities he requires. Of course it would be great for him to go to school, make friends and learn…but I’m just so apprehensive. He started school in August last year but he got sick all the time. After 2 months I decided that risking his health was not worth it and kept him home. Once again I’m battling to send him back to school. I feel as though I should keep him home for at least another year and send him back when he is 4 years old………his father begs to differ though lol!
On the other hand his speech development is very slow. He is so lazy to talk but is extremely intelligent. He is fully potty trained and loves to read and listen to his nursery rhymes. The only reason I’d send him back now is purely because I’m concerned about his speech and by sending him into an environment where he would need to talk in order to communicate will be good for him.
Thanks for all the advice mums.
Merisa, i also think tht even tho i am reluctant to send Isobel to school, she will love it.
Wan, in a way i know tht it is good to introduce her to rules, order etc but at the same time i dont want her ‘brainwashed’ into obedience IYKWIM… maybe i should consider a Montersorri pre-school?
Nicole, thanks – it helps so much to hear someone say tht i will still be her primary care giver… whn ur child spends so much of time with other ppl, u start doubting ur role in their life…
Summer and Ray – we also hav everything tht she needs at home, except for the peers, and we also sent her to a good pre-primary school whn she had just turned one – but she had 6 courses of antibiotics over a TWO month period and i decided to pull her out of the school… so i’m also not looking fwd to her ‘building up her immune system’/ creche syndrome – even tho paeds etc say tht every child goes thru this.
I am one of the mommies that will be keeping my daughter at home till she starts Grade R next year. I have been playing with the idea every so often to send her to a creche or playgroup or something but the con’s have always outweighed the pro’s for me personally. So for now she is happily at home with granny and her little sis and they have free reign over the backyard with their jungle gym, trampoline, sand table and what ever we are able to provide for them. And as far as I can see she is not at all behind her peers that are at creche with regards to development.
Good luck Sholain, you and Barry are the only people that can make this decision for beautifull Isobel.
I think nobody can advise you on this because every child is different and nobody knows her better than you.
I had planned to only send my daughter to nursery school when she was 3, but at 16 months she was so bored at home she started jumping off furniture for kicks! So we put her in school at 17 months and it was the best decision ever.
Yes, she got sick, especially the first few months – it was hell! Luckily I had a great paed and GP, both of whom don’t give antibiotics unless it’s absolutely necessary… and now, at 3 yrs old, she is very healthy with a strong immune system.
And yes, they learn some bad habits from other kids, but that’s our job as parents to filter and fix these things. After all, we can’t keep them in a bubble forever.
My opinion: no matter what care and stuff they have at home, the social interaction they have at school is even more valuable.
But as I said before, it’s YOUR choice. Trust your instincts and you’ll do what’s best for her.
I think that she would benefit greatly from the interaction with other kids. You must scout around for the best playschool and really get a warm feeling from her teacher, but allow your daughter some space and independence. It will be a wonderful growing up experience for her.
Why not send her to a half day play group. I send both my girls (2 and half) 3 x week and my (almost 6 yr old) x 5 days. Im aslo there helping out 1 day a week. Its small and very informal, and not so intimidating. My kids love it.