Uncategorized

articles

When the ex husband skypes the kids, a single mom dilemma

by Sally Cameron, midwife, mother of 2 and co-owner of earthbabies . I am passionate, creative, trying to be Green unschooling single mom. It’s a journey

I became a single mom when the kids and I moved back to South Africa a year ago from the UK. Their dad and I are separated and he has chosen to stay in the UK. He wants to get a British passport so can only be out of the UK 30 days a year. His contact with them is therefore very limited. He has not seen them since June last year. One of the main ways he maintains contact is through Skype which I encourage.

He keeps asking that I am not present when he speaks to them. They are 5 and 2 so I feel I do need to be in the background so that if something goes wrong with the computer I can help as they invariably fiddle with it. Besides the 2 of them trying to both get their faces in the camera view often results in fighting. I am not sitting there on the camera, I just move in and out of the room while in ear shot in case they need me.

The one time I left the room I came back to the ex telling my daughter how he was planning a trip for them to the UK which never happened and he had not spoken to me about it first. I had to deal with the fall out and disappointment, so there is part of me that does not totally trust his motives when he speaks to them.

Am I being over protective, what would you do?

Its the Pitts.

by Philippa Cross who would rather be outdoors than in, alone than in a crowd. She prefers dogs to cats, with a major leaning towards bulldogs. She hopes to win the Pulitzer prize for her yet unpublished novel. She started Thumb Media with a partner in June 2009

She’s absolutely gorgeous. Her phases are never mediocre, always extreme. That’s what keeps her in the news.

I’m talking, of course, about Angelina Jolie-Pitt.

 She started out dark, mysterious and scary, what with a vial of blood around her neck and reports of a Velcro wall in the bedroom she then shared with Billy-Bob. Then she outgrew the whole dark scary routine and embraced motherhood, transforming gracefully into a nurturing mother-earth figure. She became an ambassador for something or other and built an orphanage somewhere. I think the same place where she found her first son. A cute little chap. And she brought him home to America and named him Maddox.

Like Brad, who’s performance in Legends of the Falls inspired every second mother in the 90s to name their sons Tristan, thanks to Angelina, the last 5 years has seen the names Shiloh, Knox, and Maddox in the top 10 baby names worldwide.

When Madonna copied her whole routine, and her newsworthiness started to wane, she transitioned again, to beautiful wife of the most desirable man in Hollywood, if not the world. And she didn’t just meet him; she STOLE him from under the nose of Jen. Not an easy thing to do.

With the front page announcement of the split of the Pitts fresh out of Hollywood, the question on everyone’s lips is this: What’s next for Angelina and the kids? Here are some options  to consider if she’s serious about retaining her number one spot in terms of fame, she could….

  • Break into the music industry. She could bring out a record. Maybe do collaboration. And a music video.
  • Enter the “daughter” phase, which has never been her strong point, and is one card she still has left to play. She could get at least 2 more years publicity if she publicly re-built her relationship with her father, and gushed all about it.
  • Battle with her weight. The break-up could push her over the edge, and she could become obese, finally having to be removed from her home by a crane.
  • Come out of the closet. Not in a kiss Britney way. In a serious, adult, committed relationship way.
  • For added exposure, she could date Jennifer. Quote: “Well, Jen and I got to know each other really well these past few years. Obviously, at first, we were sworn enemies, but gradually, we realised it was because we were soul mates. Brad was just a tool to show us that we were meant to be together. If it wasn’t for Brad, we would never have met. We’re grateful to him.” Brad was unavailable for comment.
  • She could give the kids to Madonna. Or she could do a record with Madonna. Or she could date Madonna. In fact, I’m feeling good things about Angie and Madonna in 2010.
  • Watch this space.

    My Family Christmas

    sholainjuly09 1By Sholain Govender-Bateman - an experienced news reporter, magazine editor,  freelancer,  loving wife to Barry,  mum of one beautiful girl, Isobel and someone with a passion for life and everything fun.

    Christmas is my favourite time of the year but when Barry, my husband, and I celebrated together for the first time four years ago it took quite a lot of convincing to get him into the Christmas spirit. He’s English South African who had spent his childhood exchanging gifts on Christmas Day and having a casual lunch of cold meats and salads with extended family.

    “Is that it?” I remember thinking that first year. It would be my first Christmas ever away from my family(formerly Hindu now Baptist) with all of our traditions – a Christmas Eve braai and swimming, then awoken at the crack of dawn and sitting around the decorated Christmas tree adorned with flashing lights, glittering decorations and overflowing with Christmas gifts lovingly chosen and wrapped. After the flurry of gifts, hugs, thanks, oohs and aahs – everyone sits around the dining room table – still dressed in pjs, and has tea and minced fruit pies. 67All the church-goers get ready for the morning service and in between, my mum prepares all the traditional side dishes as the turkey roasts. This must include the potato salad, three bean salad, beetroot, gherkins, steamed broccoli, baby carrots, green beans and corn with garlic butter, fresh rolls, honey glazed gammon, roast potatoes, roasted chicken for the non turkey eaters, baby onions covered in bacon(my personal favourite) and of course the turkey roast to perfection and stuffing. Lunch is followed by an afternoon of dozing or admiring gifts, and just old-fashioned family bonding. Boxing Day is usually a seafood feast with curried prawns, crab, savoury rice and salads. Yummy.

    So it was with sadness that I contemplated a Christmas that was not too Christmassy with my husband’s family until I realised that I didnt have to miss out on all my favourite traditions! That year I organised a Christmas Eve dinner with all the Govender family Christmas lunch menu items.

    santa1Now hubby, who was very against decorations santa2and Christmas trees, helps untangle the Christmas tree lights on December 1st and this year I may try to convince him to play Santa to our one-year daughter, Isobel ! We alternate between in-laws so we get the best of both family traditions and we’ve got our very own Christmas traditions for the three of us – a Christmas Eve turkey dinner complete with crackers and silly paper hats and champagne, early morning gift opening, then visiting family and of course dozing the rest of the day whilst snacking on left over turkey for the rest of the month!

    One thing that I do know is that regardless of the food or gifts at Christmas-time, the most special part is seeing your family (even if you have to put up with a few annoying relatives – yes, everyone has at least one), having a good laugh with them and just caring for those close to you.

    Contact Sholain Govender-Bateman on +27 72 867 3474 if you have freelance writing, editing or sub-editing that you want done.

    Presents and a 2 year old

    ginaandaaronheadshot

    By Gina Jacobson,  a mom, a leo.  She works for a  non-profit organisation, is a procrastinator, loves sci-fi, sushi, good books and scrabble.Her blog is made up of A Bit of This a Bit of That.

     Before Aaron’s 2nd birthday he didn’t really know what presents were or why you received them.  Now, all that has changed and he routinely asks for a ‘pwessssent’.

     Today we were watching one of his favourite TV shows, Peppa Pig, it was Peppa’s birthday and she got a present from her family.  Well, Aaron turned to me and said, “mama, pwessssent, pleeeeeease!”

     My heart just broke.  You see he doesn’t understand why he cant have a present whenever he PeppaPig_EBigasks for it and he cries like you are sending him to the gallows.

     I certainly do not believe in giving gifts to children (or adults) just willy nilly, he needs to learn that he cant have everything he wants when he wants it.  

     I try and explain that you only get a present on your birthday or on a special day and its not your birthday or a special day today, but he doesn’t buy that for a second.  Mama is obviously denying him his constitutional right to a pwessssent!

     How do you explain to a 2 year old about special days and gifts?  Is it something that he will just grow out of and understand about as he gets older?  

     I really hate breaking his little heart like that. 

    Making Xmas crafts with kids

    sally new picby Sally Cameron, midwife, mother of 2 and co-owner of earthbabies . I am passionate, creative, trying to be Green unschooling single mom. It’s a journey

    If there is one holiday that is all about being a kid it is Christmas.  Father Christmas, magic sledge, reindeer, tinsel, Christmas carols, presents under the tree, lots of great food, what is not to love? One of the greatest gifts we can give our kids in this busy season and indeed our hectic lives, is our time. Kids love to make Christmas decorations and things for around the house. There are some lovely Christmas crafts that not only allow you to spend precious time with your kids but also how to make use of things that you find around the house which teaches them about recycling and reusing as well.angels

    We made some angels for our table made from old toilet roll inners. We covered them with crepe paper, but you could use newspaper that you have coloured in or printed, old scrap paper, cardboard for the wings and face. Use wool for the hair. My kids loved making these.

     candle_editWe then made candle holders from old glass bottles, I sprayed them and then the put out stickers, glitter and paint for the kids to decorate their bottles.

    There were some really lovely crafts using old Christmas cards but I paper recycled last years ones so this time I will hang onto a few and make some of these ideas  next year but if you are interested here’s some ideas about using recycled Christmas ornaments http://www.allfreecrafts.com/christmas/card-ornaments.shtml

    How to make a Christmas card basket from recycled Christmas cards.  http://www.allfreecrafts.com/christmas/card-basket.shtml

    Halloween at the Zoo

    sally-150x150by Sally Cameron,  midwife, mother of 2 and co-owner of earthbabies. I am  passionate, creative, trying to be Green unschooling single mom.  It’s a journey.

    My daughter looks forward to Halloween every year it is one of the highlights of the year for her. She really got into the whole idea when we lived in the UK for 2 years. I was worried that we would not be able to find anything to replace the fun she was used having when they went trick or treating around the neighbourhood.

     The idea of Halloween has really taken off in SA over the last few years and there were actually quite a lot of different activities to choose from. I heard about Halloween Zoo at Johannesburg Zoo and we decided to give it a try. I was so impressed. The turn out was Copy of halloween14amazing and people went to so much effort with the costumes, young and old alike dressed up and got into the spirit of the day.

    The zoo had various Halloween themed displays for  kids and lots of Halloween inspired decorations all around. We then had a picnic on the grass and all the parents took along bags of sweets. The  kids ran around from one picnic blanket to the next trick or treating. They had lot and lots of fun and it was declared to be as much fun as going door to door in England.

     Copy (2) of halloween6My daughter and I dressed as witches and it was not without a little hesitation from me. In ancient times the women who were labeled as witches, when Christianity spread to those areas, were often midwives, healers and wise free thinking women. They were seen as a threat to the church and their healing powers were attributed to be other than God and therefore evil. Witchcraft was declared a heresy and many innocent women were tried and executed. As a midwife myself , someone always drawn to natural healing  I wonder if I would not have been a prime candidate for being burned at the stake for heresy.

     I think we got the balance right of being quite lovely witches, and if it is to identify with those who suffered, then I wore the costume proudly.

     How did you and your family spend Halloween?

    How much should we remember the symbolism behind these holidays or do we just celebrate them on their fun and commercial value now?

    Left is right too…!

    Denise and sonby Denise Pape, mother of two, passionate about education, righting the wrongs of the world and eating good food.  Creator of  Left-Hand Learning, a support organisation for parents and teachers.

    Being left in this right-hand world can be extremely frustrating.  Not only are teachers often trying to teach skills such as cutting, drawing, letter and number formation from a right-handed perspective but then to try and get suitable stationery and workbooks used to be impossible.

    Being left-handed myself, I found it quite easy to teach my left-handed son the necessary skills but when we got to school I suddenly realised how ill equipped our teachers are.  Further research confirmed that teaching left-handed children is not even covered in the majority of teacher training colleges anymore.  Is it any wonder that a left-handed child is more likely to enter some form of remedial therapy than a right-handed one?  Is it because the frustrated teacher no longer knows what to do with the child when it comes to teaching fine motor skills so consults occupational therapists or remedial therapists ?  Often I have heard teachers and therapists saying that it doesn’t matter if the child is right or left-handed, well, it does and let me tell you why. 

    First of all, stationery.  Ever watched a left-handed child try to cut with right-handed lefthandlearningscissors?  Not easy I can tell you – the blade on the scissors is formed differently so the paper will be folded or bent and the cutting jagged – not the child’s fault at all but a simple switch to the correct scissors makes it a much easier task to learn. What about pencil sharpeners – watch a left-handed child use a pencil sharpener – he will hold the pencil in his left-hand and turn the sharpener with his right – often resulting in a pencil as blunt as before. 

    Secondly, watch a left-handed child use an activity book for letter or number formation – it is designed completely with the right-handed child in mind.  Often a left-handed child doing symmetry drawings or dot to dot will turn the book upside down and work that way.

    Having watched my son go through this process with much frustration and increasing anxiety, I started researching left-handed stationery and the teaching of fine motor skills.  What an eye opener it was for me!  I found that parents and teachers in Europe all sit with the same problem.  Teacher training colleges that barely covered the issue and parents who were none the wiser.

     So Left-Hand Learning was created.  Through our work we are now able to run workshops for parents and teachers, we import and sell left-handed stationery and we publish and import workbooks specifically for the South African market.  Our aim?  To make sure every left-handed child is taught the way he or she needs to be taught and enable the parents and teachers to provide the right equipment and materials to allow that to happen.

    Sharing and caring

    gina new picby Gina Jacobson, a wife, a mom, a leo.  She works for a  non-profit organisation, is a procrastinator, loves sci-fi, sushi, good books and scrabble.  Her blog is made up of A Bit of This a Bit of That.

    “Mine!”  This is a word I hear over and over from my 2 year old.  He takes my iPod and declares “Mine!”, the TV remote, his toys, my shoes, anything is fair game.

    Usually I say, “No, that is Mama’s and I am sharing it with Aaron.”  Most of the time he just ignores me.  I think the key here is reiterating that the object belongs to me or Daddy and that we are sharing.  I also ask him if he will share the things that are genuinely his with me.  Most of the time he does.

    He is also very good about sharing with other kids especially when you ask him to share.  He is so caring too and will offer his favourite lovey if he sees another child crying.

    A trick I find that works well is finding a game for the kids to play together, tea party, hide and seek, kick the ball are all games that he loves playing with other kids.IMG_4432

    Of course if you have two of something its even better.  My mom got Aaron a set of cheap, small water pistols, there were 5 in the pack for about R25, fill them up and let the kids loose in the garden.  The same goes for buckets and spades, have lots of each and let the kids build castles in the sandpit.

    If a fight breaks out over whose toy belongs to who, and if I have to get involved, I always make sure that Aaron gives the other child a kiss and a hug after its been sorted out.  Sometimes he even does so without prompting.

    How do you encourage your kids to share?

    Chrissiesmeer, a weekend away

    melanieby Madeleine Kriegler, a working mom of two and a keen traveller who blogs about anything that takes her fancy on her blog, Life Love and everything else .


    We spent the weekend in Chrissiesmeer.It is a small little town about 2 and a half hours drive from Joburg, situated in Mpumulanga. Just before Belfast you turn off to Carolina, follow the road and just when the road meets the N17 to Swaziland -there is Chrissiesmeer.

    I’ve read several articles about Chrissiesmeer the past year and was quite keen to explore it. The area is known for it’s fresh water lakes and is otherwise referred to as the “Lakes district” of South Africa.

    What a beautiful place! The rolling green hills and lakes combine to make you feel like you have stepped into the magical Shire of the likes of Frodo and gang.

    We stayed at a guest farm called Florence Guest Farm. It is a beautiful farm with lovely chalets to stay in. The chalets are fully equipped, with fireplaces inside. Much to the kids delight. Ooh and nice big baths. Much to the parents delight.lol

    chrissiesmeer2One of the attractions of the area is the wide variety of frogs. In fact we organized a frog tour for Saturday night as the frogs come out at night. But the heavens opened on Saturday late afternoon. In a big way. Which proved to be quite fortunate, because the frogs come to you.

    I cant remember how many platanna’s we had to rescue out of the lounge that night. And then the four of us ran around on the lawn with umbrella’s and torches, catching frogs, running inside the house to identify them and releasing them again. To say that it was fun is an understatement. We hugely enjoyed this!!

    If frogs are not your thing, there are   Bushman paintings just accross the road from where we stayed. chrissismeer4We took a walk down there the following morning and were quickly able to spot the art.

    A little bit further down the road is Chrissiesmeer-the largest freshwater lake in South Africa. You can go canoe on it if you want.

    Dullstroom is about 50 km’s away – so we drove down there for Sunday lunch and then headed back home. There is lots more to see and do there and we will definitely return for another visit.

    Taking the littlest Haggard for his shots

    kerry haggardby Kerry Haggard, mother, writer, editor, social media voyeur, who works in communications for a living.

    Not just because of articles like this, ( War on Science), I’m quite into the whole vaccination deal – anything that can keep my sons alive and prevent them suffering the symptoms and after- effects of a potentially damaging or fatal illness is a good thing, I reckon.  We didn’t get around to the chicken pox shot – and they’ve both had it already, but with the stories of fatalities caused by a measles outbreak in Gauteng, the time had come to have the littlest Haggard have his MMR shot.  His older brother had it a year ago.

    I’m no medical expert, but I do know that the world would be a much more miserable place if we still had polio and smallpox. I know that measles can cause permanent damage, as can mumps. I know that rubella can cause severe deformities in babies. And while I do know that I’m no medical expert, I also know that I’ve done enough reading (thank you God, for the Internet) to be comfortable that vaccinations don’t cause autism. That’s a whole different issue entirely.

    I’ve taken both boys to Elizabeth Beavon at the Link Pharmacy in The Colony in Craighhall since they were babies. She did ante-natal classes with me, and is the most awesome lady – clued up, practical, and an all round nice person – the kind of person you would want to have sticking needles into your child, if there was no choice about the needle part, really.

    As a mom, you feel pretty shocking, taking your lamb to the proverbial slaughter – even though you know he’s going to come out with a better chance of staying alive than if you didn’t take him. Baring that little chubby leg, and holding those precious arms tight so that he doesn’t hit the needle away is one of the most difficult things you have to do as a mom. But the pain is brief, the tears pass quickly, and before long, he’s forgotten that anything happened, and is radiating that brilliant smile at anyone who looks at him again.

    I know that debates around vaccination are lengthy, heated and emotional. I also know that without them, the odds of my children contracting dangerous diseases are significantly higher. It’s a matter of weighing up the odds, really.  This is not the first time that my son has had to endure something unpleasant that will help him in the long run, and it won’t be the last. But at least I was there to love him, hold him, and kiss the tears away, reassuring him that the bad thing would soon be over. As a mom, it’s the least I could do.