I was able to spend quality time with my children for the first 5 years of their lives. I only worked a few hours twice a week allowing me the independence and experience of the workforce.  Simultaneously I was able to spend quality time with my kids on the days I didnt work.

Being at home was very fulfilling making sure that my kids had eaten well, and enjoyed their playtime. There is nothing to compare with the joy of feeling their tiny heads falling asleep on my shoulder, the butterfly kisses that they showered me with and the confidence with which they talked to me. These moments cannot be reinvented because they need you the most at these tender ages before starting school.

Now that my kids are all in school, I work half day. They run to the car each day excited to see me and eager to tell me the days happenings. They know the drill, lunch, homework, prayer, and playtime. We learn together every moment of the day, instilling values that I wish my child to grow up with.

If my kids stay over at granny’s place and return I feel as if I missed a chapter in their lives because the bonding we encounter on a daily basis.

In Islam for a woman ‘what is hers is hers and what is her husbands is hers as well. This simply means she need not contribute to the household essentials as the husband should be the breadwinner.
 When we exercise this right then we have the choice to be stay at home moms without having to suffer the financial burden.

I feel fortunate that with my husband’s help I was able to find the perfect balance for me and my family.  I do understand that this is not always possible and many women do not have the choices I had due to economic and other circumstances.

I believe that finding a way to spend quality time with your kids is a priority, especially during the tender ages. It is trying a lot of the times but the reward and satisfaction is invaluable.

by Michele Mistry,

I am a mum.  Humbly, I request to not be labelled a ‘stay home mum’ or a ‘working mum’. Too often we create labels that pen us in. We then find ourselves attempting to escape or live up to that label. It is soul defeating.

Dear mums,

We are all at different places on our journey, knowing this, sometimes the view from a different perspective can change the entire dynamic of everyone’s trip. I’d like to share mine with you.

My husband and I decided that one of us would stay home with our children until age 5.  This was based on sage advice from our Guru (spiritual guide). We had only a vague awareness of its impact.

I struggled with this decision at first. It seemed a lot to ‘give up’. I felt like my life was disrupted and I was continuously waiting to get back to it. But now I see the true value in being home with my kids, for them and me.

This decision has a high cost if measured in western standards. Two come to mind:

There is no greater spiritual opportunity then becoming a parent. Children put a spotlight on everything you need to change personally to grow. Perhaps this difficulty is what used to prompt me to return to my career.

My culture is historically a maternal one, wherein children were given priority. They were often termed little ‘gods’. Mothers were dearly respected, for the Love in all its forms, needed to raise children well. We are ‘The hands that rock the cradle and rule the world’.

Unfortunately these values are diluted by more material ones and mums suffer as a result. The value of earning an income is given greater value then raising our own young. Hence our inner conflict.

5 Years after our decision, there is increasing scientific evidence supporting it. Research into different negative social phenomenon point to 3 root causes:

We can once again become a whipping pole and add to each other’s guilt, or we can acknowledge our role in children’s lives, our own children and the broader community’s. Let’s take responsibility for what we can, when we can.

Much love

Michele Mistry

by Tiffany Markman, who is mom to a delicious one-year-old, a book reviewer and a freelance copywriter, editor and writing trainer who tries to balance her workaholic tendencies with addictions to smooching her toddler, salacious non-fiction, caffeine, her iPhone and more. Follow Tiffany’s tongue-in-cheekery on twitter.

There’s a lot of contention in the mommy community. Breast-feeders vs bottle-feeders. C-sectioners vs natural-birthers. But perhaps the biggest chasm, and the one we tend to get tense about, is: working mommies vs stay-at-home mommies.

This is a letter to a stay-at-home mom, from me, a working mom. And I’m going to say something that isn’t said often enough – certainly not in public:

Dear Home Mommy,

I couldn’t do what you do.

You have my respect. I know people say, tritely, that motherhood is the hardest job of all. Blah blah. It’s always people who a) don’t have kids and are trying to make you feel better about the Jungle Oats on your sunglasses or b) were parents so long ago that their sanctimony isn’t helpful. I’m neither of those. I’m a mommy who loves her kid to distraction – and values our precious two hours together morning and evening during the week – but I still couldn’t be an 8am-5pm largely-solo mommy.

Because:

1. Motherhood can be BORING

The repetitiveness of it. Wake, change, feed, dress, change, feed, nap, change, feed, nap, change, feed, bath, sleep. Yes, there’s playing, cuddling, fun and activities in between, but yikes. It’s the same every day. Even on Sundays. At work, I do different stuff every day. Different people irritate me. And on weekends, there’s a different, kiddie-led routine. The only constant is the coffee.

2. Motherhood can be LONELY

I have a friend who spends all day with her daughter. The little girl is clever, pretty and full of personality. But she’s ONE. There are limits to the conversations you can have with a one-year-old. Especially when you need advice. Or change for parking. Or someone to take a flipping message. At work, I talk to (mostly) interesting and intelligent grown-ups. Yes, there’s social media for support if you’re at home, but at work you don’t even have to try.

3. Motherhood is NON-STOP

The relentlessness of it. There are no breaks. Nap-time doesn’t count. (Because that’s when you wee. Answer emails. Brush your teeth.) At work, even when I’m heading for a deadline and you can’t see my pretty nail-polish for the blur, I’ll stop every few hours for a snack, a coffee, a chat, or a trawl through Pinterest. When I feel like it.

4. Motherhood is MISUNDERSTOOD

South African stay-at-home moms have (at least some) help. It’s not like Europe or the States – I don’t know how those brave souls have any kids at all – so you’re seldom obliged to become passionately intimate with the vacuum cleaner.

But that doesn’t make full-time mothering less demanding, especially when people treat you like you’re constantly ‘on holiday’/‘free all day’, like you’re too stupid or lazy to work, or like your husband’s so obscenely wealthy that you don’t have to.

Bottom line? I work because I love it, because very few families can live comfortably on one salary these days, and because I simply don’t have what it takes to be a stay-at-home mom. In that order. My hat’s off to you.

Love,

Working Mommy

P.S. This letter requires a Part II. Look out for the next installment: a letter of congratulation from me, a work-from-home mommy, to a corporate mommy.

If you haven’t discovered it yet, Jozikids.co.za is the most up to date and detailed resource for parents in the Gauteng region to find what you need including events, activities, venues, parties and lessons. You’ll also find us on your cell phone.

MORE MOTHER’S DAY OUTINGS

Yeesh! Woodmead, May 8-13, 9am – 5pm. R50 per hr. Supermoms will receive a free cappuccino, coffee or tea. May 13: Supermoms come and claim your free gift from Yeesh on Sunday Wonderful sponsors such as SA Photo Mugs, Estee Lauder and more

Zwartkops Quad Centre, Centurion, 10am-5pm, laps R12 each. All mothers who visit our quad centre on Mothers Day, will receive a free ride round our 400m track. Training, hair nets and helmets included. Come on Mom!! show the kids that you can!

WALK

Fun Run/Walk -  at Pretoria Zoo , May 19, Gates open 6am, walk starts 6.30am Take part in the Friends of the Zoo Fun Run/Walk. It is a 5km circuit around the tranquil setting of the Zoo. The Fun Run/Walk is held every third Saturday of the month. No Bookings or registration is necessary

PARENTING WORKSHOPS

The Baby Expo MamaMagic, Northgate, May 17-20, 9-6pm daily. Once again MamaMagic™, The Baby Expo® is coming to Joburg from the 17-20 May 2012 and it’s going to be bigger and better than ever! It is the ideal opportunity to gain knowledge about pregnancy, being a parent and embracing the latest products under one roof.  Your kids can also enjoy shows by Barney and Mister Maker – from CBeebies- a real-life character who finds bright ideas for art from everything around him.

Beyond the Nappy Bag, The Bright Ideas Outfit, Douglasdale, May 22 for parents of 2-5yr olds. Parents are encouraged to put their own stamp on their child’s play experiences by using their imagination, adding love letters, breaking the rules and combining games in order to create more games! Come prepared to play.

Beyond the Dress, Work-Life Balance, Regency Hyatt Hotel, Rosebank, May 20, 9.30-1pm. With all the stresses and challenges of everyday life, how does today’s modern woman ensure a balanced life complete with good health,meaningful relationships, a fulfilling career, multiple roles and still make time for herself? Find out at the next Beyond the Dress event.

Dealing with Divorce, Psychmatters, Bedfordview, May 16, 9-11am. Are you committed to empowering yourself and your child to master this life-changing event? Tell your child about your divorce in the most effective way; experiences of divorce; Assist you to identify & address potential problems early; View divorce in a new light; best communicate & deal with the effect the divorce will have on your child; Gain some tips for Divorcing Parents

by Joy Dembo

Directed by Peter Berg and released by Universal, the movie begins after NASA’s discovery of a  planet, with a similar blueprint to Earth, and curious to establish whether the planet is inhabited, they decide to transmit a signal from their powerful Hawaii satellite transmission station, aimed at this planet, with the aid of a satellite in orbit.

At the same time we are introduced to Alex Hopper (Played by Taylor Kitsch), a lazy,  good for nothing, who sponges off his brother, Stone, a talented and decorated naval officer (played by Alexander Skarsgard). In an attempt to impress the gorgeous Samantha Shane (Played by Brooklyn Decker), Alex breaks into a convenience store to get her a chicken burrito, and causes havoc, resulting in him being tasered and arrested by the police. Samantha is the daughter of the  United States Pacific Fleet commanding officer, Admiral Shane (played by  Liam Neeson),  who happens to be his brother’s commanding officer. Stone is furious and gives Alex an ultimatum: Join the Navy or you are on your own!

When the real action starts, Alex has progressed to the rank of  lieutenant, and is the Tactical Action Officer aboard the destroyer, the USS John Paul Jones, and  Stone has risen to the rank of commanding officer of the USS Sampson. Alex is in a relationship with Samantha, and wants to marry her.

The Rim of the Pacific, the world’s largest multinational naval exercise, gets under way, off the coast of Hawaii and during the opening ceremony Alex gets into a brawl with a Japanese Captain, however it is minutes to the start of the naval exercise and naturally the show must go on!

And then it happens! A fleet of alien ships arrives in response to the NASA signal, and lands in the waters near Hawaii, very close to the Sampson,John Paul Jones, and Myōkō, who are sent to investigate. The ships are trapped when one of the alien ships erects an impenetrable force field around the Hawaiian Islands.

A fierce battle ensues, which results in the Sampson and Myōkō being destroyed, and the entire crew of  the Sampson being wiped out, including Stone, Alex’s older brother.  Damaged and leaderless, what’s left of the crew of the John Paul Jones are left to fight the battle alone. As fate would have it, the talented but undisciplined Alex is the most senior surviving officer and is forced to take command. The John Paul Jones takes the Myoko’s surviving crew members aboard, including Alex’s nemesis, Captain Nagata. The two decide to put their differences aside and join forces to fight off the alien attack.

With the Aliens trying to take command of the Oahu satellite array, and the John Paul Jones destroyed in another devastating  battle with the aliens, Alex and Captain Nagata take over a retired naval battleship, the USS Missouri, a museum ship based in the Oahu harbour.  With the help of the Navy Vets that are responsible for her preservation, the Missouri is activated and what follows will keep you on the edge of your seat!

This Sci fi naval war adventure has it all…. drama, action, comedy, bad boy makes good, romance, and the inevitable triumph of earthlings over an alien invasion.

Although a variation on an old theme, the effects are breathtaking and the story is captivating, and although the movie runs for more than two hours, you don’t even notice the time going by!

Tweenies, teens,  young adults and Science Fiction addicts will love this movie!

The show is rated 10V and was released on nationwide on  05 May.

Kerry Haggard is the mom of the two most beautiful boys that ever there were. She is also the blessed daughter of the most awesome mom that ever there was. Follow her on Twitter: @KerryHaggard

One of my favourite blogs is written by Lisa-Jo, a South African who lives in Washington in the US. She is of the firm opinion that every mom needs a cheerleader, and she’s just published “The Cheerleader for Tired Moms,” an ebook collection of some of her favourite blog posts.

For Mother’s Day this year, I’d like to suggest that we take up Lisa-Jo’s challenge, and become cheerleaders for one another.

Being a mom is tougher than any professional sport out there. We’ve got to be the coaches who teach and encourage our offspring at every turn, motivating them to do their best, to try harder, to practice more, to go the extra mile.

Then, when they don’t perhaps achieve the goals they’ve set for themselves, it’s our task to provide guidance and sage advice, helping them to deal with disappointment.

We’re the taxi drivers, the food providers, the wardrobe custodians, the homework supervisors and the peacekeepers between siblings. We eachknow just how much goes into a day of raising a child, and with the greatest of respect to professional sportsmen – they get to leave the training field and go home at the end of the day. Being a mom is a 24/7 job, and a lot of the time, we feel like we’re still in training anyway – do you know a mom who is completely comfortable that her parenting skills are perfect?

Just like in sport, there are armchair critics of the work we moms do. And, I’m sad to say, some of the cruelest critics are other moms. In fact, I think it’s an official sport in some school parking lots, and should be banned right up there with pitbull fighting and knife fights – it does as much damage.

So here’s what I’d like to challenge you to do this Mother’s Day: Don’t criticize the moms around you. None of us is perfect, but we’re all working really hard to do the best that we possibly can for our children. Ring up a mom you know and admire – it could be your own mom, your mother in law, or a friend, and tell them what a fantastic job they’re doing or have done with their child or children. Be specific in the compliment you give them, and mean what you say. Maybe point out a parenting lesson that you have learned from them, or how you’ve been inspired by something that they have done. I’m very sure that your words will last longer than any flowers or chocolate – and you’ll have made the kind of personal contact that rebuilds friendships in our age of social media fatigue.

Happy Mother’s Day!

by Tanya Kovarsky, mom to Max , addicted to blogging, Apple products, long-distance running and Converse shoes. Freelance writer, with 11yrs experience who does editing, writing and training. Read her blog

Mother guilt is as synonymous with parenting as poo nappies, toddler tantrums and sleepless nights. And if I had a dollar for every time I heard moms lamenting their mommy guilt, felt it myself, or read blogs and tweets about it, well, I’d be able to quit work. And thus alleviate my own mommy guilt!

But it being Mother’s Day coming up, and the fact that we’re often hard on ourselves as moms, I thought I would outrule stuff that we probably shouldn’t be feeling guilty about.

Wishing you a wonderful and hopefully guiltless Mother’s Day!

by Lindsay Grubb -when she’s not mixing elixirs out of Aromat, salt, soil, water for imaginary baby birds with her daughter, Lindsay’s writing copy for her corporate clients or articles for magazines. Follow her on Twitter

Just over a year ago I wrote about the challenges facing working moms for the Jozikids’ blog. I’ve been working for myself for nearly three years now and at the same time raising a fabulous, precocious four year old daughter and I’ve learned a lot about managing some of the challenges.

A better way of working

I spent the first year and a half working incredibly hard, mostly to prove to myself and others that I could still be a positive driving force in business and at the same time be a great mom and wife. While I didn’t miss a deadline in that time, I put myself and my family through a lot of stress and frustration. I knew there had to be a better way to handle work and my family life.

Over the past year I’ve learned a lot in the pursuit of happiness and balance, particularly;

My house isn’t always spotless, but my stress levels and those of my family are down. I found my sense of humour again and I’m producing an even better quality of work. Win-win all round.

Copyright © Lindsay Grubb 2012

MOTHER’S DAY OUTINGS

Lipizzaner Stallion Centre, Kyalami, May 12-13. The white stallions will be dancing to the fantastic music from Mama Mia

Madd Hatters Tea Garden, Doornranjie, Hennopsriver May 13, 10am-5pm. Come and join us for a mothers day lunch..(with a gift for mom) Lasagna,salad,rolls, with mad hatter platter and drinks! The ladies can relax while the boys play paintball @ Bush Paintball. And the kids can play on the jungle gym and feed the animals.

Princess Alice Adoption Home, Westcliff, May 12, 10 am-4pm, R125 pp. Treat your mother, aunt, sister and yourself to pampering in our Pamper Parlour. Packages include mini manicure, arm/shoulder massage and head/shoulder massage. Refreshments will be available in the tea garden for you to enjoy while listening to light musical entertainment.

WS Botanical Garden, Roodepoort, May 13 from 1pm. This is a concert that celebrates all mothers—the most important people in everyone’s life. Please arrive early and bring along your picnic baskets, blankets or chairs. The City Swing Fever Big Band will be performing.

SHOW FOR HIGH SCHOOL PUPILS

Waiting for GODOT at the Old Mutual Theatre on the Square, Sandton, May 6th, 9th and 14th
Producer Daphne Kuhn has invited Crawford College Sandton to perform their recent production of WAITING FOR GODOT – and to present it for high schools.

PARENTING HELP

Discipline & Self Esteem, Parenting Magazine Irene Dairy Farm, May 12, 8.30am-1pm, R200 pp. Parenting Magazines presents, Dereck Jackson in Irene Farm Pretoria, where he will be speaking on Discipline and Self Esteem. Enjoy A relaxing morning in great surroundings, a 10 minute pampering session, awesome prizes up for grabs as well as a fantastic goodie bag.

Ladies Image & Deportment wkshp, La Femme, Kyalami, May 12., 9am-4pm. R750 pp. Basics: sitting, standing, walking up/down stairs, posture. Maintaining your body: Body shape and understanding your body weight. Skin care and makeup. Cupboard planning: Fashion styles to suit you, Body proportions & dressing accordingly, Colour wear, power dressing. Body Language, Voice control,  presentations, interviews, Social Skills – Etiquette

Free Day for Senior Citizens at Pretoria Zoo, Tues, May 8. The Zoo will be hosting senior citizens older than 60 years and offering them free entry to the Zoo, the Aquarium and the Reptile Park. The day’s activities begin with complimentary tea, coffee and biscuits at the Zoo’s Flamingo Restaurant (first-come-first-served) where after a programme of events will be presented. A special meal will also be prepared by our Restaurant for the day

ANIMALS
The Ann van Dyk Cheetah Centre – De Wildt Tours, Pta North, Apr 29-May 1.
Animals viewed on the tour include cheetah, african wild dog, brown hyena, caracal, african wild cat, vultures and various antelope species. Prior booking is essential and children under six are not permitted.

Predator World Zoo, North West, Apr 29-May 1, Near Sun City
Predator World sits at the foot of the beautiful Pilanesberg Mountain, only 5km from Sun City and Pilanesberg National park and 90 minutes from Hartbeespoort dam. Animal Feeding on Monday at 11am. Animals include mountain lions, cheetah, leopards, spotted hyena and more The kiddies may play on the jungle gym or feed the goats in the farm yard. Also a  restaurant for light meals.

Welties Kiddies Farm Weltevreden Park, Apr 29-May 1.
Child friendly Tea Garden and Sunday carvery available (Booking essential)in a farm atmosphere. Come and relax while your kids can play in a safe evironment with lots to do a farmyard. The play area has a trampoline, jungle gym, swings and sandpits, Swingball, soccer poles (for the little ones), pony rides, scooters and scooter track.

ACTION
Bush Paintball Hennopsrivier, Apr 29-May 1, from 9yrs
The bush paintball range consists of 7 fields designed to suit all types of players. These include heavily bunkered “close quarter” fields for intense, fast-paced play. As well as genuine bush ball fields which test a players’ stalking and bush craft skills. Mad Hatters Tea Garden is close by at Tatz Junction where you can relax and enjoy a cup of tea.

Zwartkops Quad Centre, Centurion, Apr 29-May 1, from 4yrs old
Come for the day for action packed quadbiking fun. Bring along your picnic baskets and enjoy a fun day-outing for the whole family. Tuck shop and playground available. Special on Monday and Tuesday – R2 off – only R10 per lap.

STEAM TRAIN
Reefsteamers to Magaliesburg, May 1.
Travel to the beautiful Magaliesburg countryside on a classic old steam train, enjoy a leisurely lunch, explore the village with its arts and crafts shops, and come back to the big city behind steam (Much to the surprise and the envy of the commuters we usually pass!). Adults R200, children (4-12) R140 U/4yrs free- all day.

PARENTING HELP
ReelMom New Mom Seminar and Eco EXPO – May 5, from 8am-3pm
A Seminar featuring expert speakers covering sleep, health and nutrition. Speakers include: Dr Alison Bentley – well know sleep expert and international speaker, Dr Johnny Lotter – Specialist Paediatrician at Pretoria East Hospital. Our health and nutrition expert will cover: why organic is best for you and baby and our clinical psychologist will cover dealing with PND. All guests will receive a Goody Bag valued at over R500, scrumptious finger snacks and refreshments and Prizes to be WON worth over R10,000!Tickets are R480 a couple or R250 per person. Includes a FREE copy of Momtails – lifestyle and recipe book featuring non-alcoholic drinks for moms and kids valued at R120!