Posts Tagged ‘parenting’

by Fiona Ingram, a  South African writer who loves books, travel, animals, antiques, and adventures of all kinds! Read Fiona’s author site and find out about her recently published children’s adventure novel

Reading with your child is a wonderful pastime with so many benefits. Not only does this special ‘together time’ strengthen the bond between you and your child, there are other positive results. You’ll see the growth of your child’s vocabulary, awareness of the world, social behavior skills, listening skills, confidence, and many other developmental aspects. However, in a busy day filled with work, chores, ferrying to and from school, where does the frazzled parent find time to capture those few precious moments called ‘free time?’ Here are a few ideas on how to incorporate reading together for the family with not much time to spare.

Reading doesn’t always have to involve books. Our world is full of text. Use it! A busy parent can create a fun game in the car where the child reads road signs, billboards, helps with a road map, or spots registration number plates and creates words with the letters.

Shopping? The supermarket is a great place for looking for labels, reading labels, helping with the shopping list, and checking the listed ingredients on a tin or packet.

Have fun while you cook. If you’re busy, have your child read something to you while you’re preparing dinner. This time it can be a book they are currently enjoying, something from the newspaper or their choice of magazine. Encourage your child to express an opinion about what they are reading to you. This will draw your child closer to you because your interest will cement the bond between you. Children love being the focus of their parents’ attention, and especially when they are doing something special with the parent.

Kids love baking! Make cookies and candy even more fun by getting your child to read the recipe to you first while you collect all the ingredients required. Then they can continue reading the instructions while you perform the task. Later (while the family is eating the cookies) you can say how much help they were. Praise is vital to your child’s performance. It boosts their confidence and makes them want to do this again.

Dining out? Your child can have fun reading the menu and deciding what they want to eat. Having friends over for dinner? Ask your child to create a beautiful illustrated menu to show your guests. Most kids love the opportunity to get out those crayons and coloring pencils.

Audio books are a wonderful way of helping your child concentrate and develop listening skills while you’re driving. After a few minutes, stop the tape and ask your child questions about what they just heard. Make it interesting by asking what they think will happen next, or what they would do in a certain situation. This will help your child engage in the literary process in a fun way.

Find time in tiny bites. Don’t think that reading to or with your child involves 60-minute marathons. Just before bed is a special time between parent and child. Just 10-15 minutes every evening is possible, and will reap marvellous rewards.

Whatever you do and however much time you manage to squeeze out of your day for reading with your child will all be beneficial. It’s not the daily amount of time that is so important; it’s the quality of your word time together that counts. Don’t forget to have fun because that’s what it’s all about!

by Kerry Haggard,( @kerryhaggard) writes for a living, parents for fun, joy, excitement and curiosity, and is married to @Brettski for love.

 A friend and I were chatting recently, about the tough choices (or lack thereof) that moms are given. To put your children through decent education, you most often need to be a double-income family – but what are the implications of not being at home for the crucial formative years in your child’s life? “What about job-sharing?” she asked.

 I turned to my bff (the web) for research, and learned that in the US and Australia in particular, job sharing is common. Two people with similar skills share a full time job – and the salary that goes with it – so that they can still work at a level for which their skills are suited, adding valuable experience to their CV, and earning a decent income, while being available to invest important time in their children.

The sharing is done in a number of ways – either one works mornings and the other afternoons, or they take all the tasks for the position and split them, so that everyone else knows who is responsible for what. Another common way of working it is for each of the parties to work three days a week, so that there is one day where they are both around, to make continuity easy for everyone else that they are working with.

It seems though, that most of these situations arise where women working together create the job-share, once they have the buy-in of their existing employer – it’s not the kind of vacancy you would see advertised.

 I would so be keen for this kind of progressive thinking in the South African workplace – but the question is: are any South African companies up for it? Are they willing to adapt the rules to keep and nurture their best employees – those who have another full time job as mom and homemaker?

 Bontle Shadi Makgwa, a single mother of twin Todd’s… 6 in July plus  carer of 3 siblings going through varsity and high school.  Aware and grateful for what she has, feels priviledged and believes this also brings responsibility

As a ‘Jozikids’ Mom, I was very disturbed by the disaster that occurred in Haiti and just felt the pain that those children affected could be feeling  as they now have no mother, father, sibling, friend or guardian anymore.  I got home after looking at the pictures I downloaded from the internet, after having shared them with my colleagues at work, I showed them to others  so that they could see and understand.  I explained to them what had happened and asked if they could pray with me for all those little children,  just like them , in the hope that they could one day be happy little ones.

My pledge is: to all the other mothers around South Africa to show or explain to your children what is going on there, make them aware how blessed they are, teach them to be grateful (no matter how young they are, the sooner they learn, the better) and a thought in prayer from a little one here at home can make another little child in Haiti have a chance in hope.

My deepest prayers and thoughts.

By Wendy Walker the mother of 10 month old Jaron who keep her on the go and inspires her and her husband Bruce as they head up Babyproofessionals.

There I was in my heavily pregnant state – back aching, feet more swollen than my baby shower balloons and anxiety increasing with every direction I glanced in my home. Detergents within reach of a creeping crawling baby. Loose bookshelves that threatened to tip if I walked past too quickly, not to mention the climbing antics of a toddler. How would I know if the sweet furnishings n the crib were a secret death trap? What would I do if my bay stopped breathing? As my huffing and puffing turned to gasping, well-meaning friends tried to convince me my child “probably” wouldn’t succumb to any of the hazards I’d seen played out in my mind. Probably wasn’t good enough for me. And so off I went to do my research… and the classic advice “Get on your hands and knees and see the house through the eyes of a baby” just wasn’t going to cut it in my pregnant state, not to mention the drilling and hammering and picking and sticking that would have to follow an expensive spree for baby proofing items.

“There ought to be professionals to do this kind of thing,” I thought to myself. And so it was that BABYPROOFESSIONALS was born – a professional baby proofing service offering everything from assessments and educations to supplies, installations and an online safety store.

In the course  of our training and practice, we have found home items that can be dangerous to your child. Here are 5 of the many examples:

Of course the average home is riddled with many more dangers than these, but we’ll keep that for another article! Keep SAFE and enjoy your little explorer!

Have you had any close shaves at home with safety? Tell us about it.

by Philippa Cross who would rather be outdoors than in, alone than in a crowd. She prefers dogs to cats, with a major leaning towards bulldogs. She hopes to win the Pulitzer prize for her yet unpublished novel. She started Thumb Media with a partner in June 2009

I am amazed how many people haven’t the faintest idea about how to approach toddlers and children, and how to respect their space. So many people believe that because they are little, their rights to personal privacy are somehow diminished. They reach out to touch them, grab a hand, pinch a cheek, and plant a wet sloppy kiss on their cheeks. Even complete strangers in Pick n Pay have walked right up to my trolley, and grabbed a little hand before I could stop them.

Like every mother, I think my children are gorgeous. They have perfect little faces full of childhood innocence. They have huge blue eyes, white blonde hair, and fat rolls round their knees and wrists in that adorable way only toddlers can pull off.  They are as pinchable and as kissable as can be. But I know better than to pinch their bums without permission though.

Even when they were tiny little things I approached them as I would approach a stranger who’s space I was seriously about to invade. I was gentle, respectful, and I asked permission. I never just assumed because I was their mom that I could lift up their t-shirt and plant a big zerbit on their tummies. I wanted them to be the masters of their young bodies right from the beginning. Obviously, there have been times when I’ve had to do what I’ve had to do. I don’t get their express permission every nappy change time, or every bath time.

I can’t be alone in having to keep a vigilant watch over my children when people visit. And when my sons don’t warm to them in the first 30 seconds of them walking through the door, I find myself apologising to them, trying to spare their feelings.

“Don’t take it personally, Nathan is just very shy. Give him some time and he’ll warm up to you.”

Bollocks to that. Nathan is three. You’re 63. You’re old enough to know better. Nathan’s not shy. He’s normal. How would you feel if someone 4 times your size walked into your house, marched straight up to you and tried to pick you up, puckered up their over made up lips and planted a wet soggy one on your cheek? You’d probably get the fright of your life and call the police. Why on earth should he know who you are and why you want to kiss him?

On the other hand, I do all I can to prepare the little chaps for just such occasions.

“Aunt Lillian hasn’t seen you since you were a tiny baby.”

“When I was a baby and I had a dummy and you changed my nappy?”

“Yes. Since then.”

“Like Dylan.”

“Yes, since you were as small as Dylan.  Aunt Lillian hasn’t seen you since you were smaller than Dylan is now. And she’s going to come and visit us today.”

“At our house?”

“That’s right. She’s coming to our house to visit you and your brother. And she’s going to want to give you a big squeeze and a kiss.”

“Like I kiss Hadyn at school?”

“Do you kiss Hadyn at school?”

“And Skylah.”

“You kiss Hadyn and Skylah at school. What does Teacher Anne say?”

<Giggle>

“Will you give your mom a kiss then?”

<giggle>< run away>

At which point I use the prerogative that is mine as his mother alone, break my rule, chase after him, pick him up, and force 100s of kisses all over his cheeks and his tummy. Just to show him who’s boss.  That will teach him not to give his mom a kiss!

by Brendah Nyakudya,  a single mum to a 4yr old girl. Admittedly not the best cook, but loves exploring the outdoors with her little one. A political and social commentator she has just started a blog As I see it. During the day she works for management consultants in Johannesburg

When we picked a nursery school for our 4 year old daughter, racial percentages of the kids in the school wasn’t an issue. It was a highly recommended school and close to home, so it made sense for her to go there.

The fact that she is one of 3 black kids in the class also didn’t bother me until one Saturday morning when she woke me up with the statement “Mommy I don’t like brown people except for my family, I only like white people”.  Obviously this shook me right out of my reverie of sleeping in and uninterrupted showers. I hesitantly asked “Why don’t you like brown people?” to which she responded “They are boring and they make me upset”.  I try to make light of the situation and say “But sweetheart, brown is beautiful and it’s the colour of chocolate. We like chocolate don’t we?” Her response? “No, I like white marshmallows.”

So here I am sitting in my bedroom faced by my little racist toddler at a complete loss as to what to do or say thinking this child needs Jesus, but little things start to make sense e.g. how she wants me to make her hair “like Sally*”, she prefers Barbie to her darker counterparts and how she is always more comfortable around white people than around “brown” people.

I then had the talk with her about the fact  that no skin colour is better than any other colour and that brown is beautiful. She eventually said “I like brown people Mommy” but I am not convinced she is convinced. Could it be that being part of the minority has made her hate who she is? Was it something one of the kids said? How does a parent deal with this? Any ideas welcome.

P.S. In the meantime I am making sure she doesn’t end up with my friend’s son the homophobe.

*names changed to protect the innocent

by Joy Robyn Dembo, married, with an 18 year old son and a 25 year old daughter.  Addicted to the www, particularly Twitter. Recruitment Response Handling Consultant and Freelance Copywriter, vegetarian and animal lover.  Here’s her blog.

I was totally exhausted and exasperated after constantly begging my son to study for his Matric exams!  So, when 25 November finally dawned, I was dizzy with elation…Ryan was about to write his absolute FINAL “final”.

When he got home, I sighed with relief, and helped him pack for his first holiday.  Like all spoilt brats, he was off on Matric Rage (much like the US Spring Break).  Ryan and his buddies (all 6000 of them) were going to rock (wreck?) Umhlanga for two weeks, and then return to base (aka home) for a few days, before jetting off to Cape Town for another two week holiday.  I know… life is hard for a Jozi teenager!

I had mixed emotions. I knew I would miss him like hell, but I was also looking forward to having a break from the insanity of exams, registering at college, buying “stuff” for his holiday, booking flights, forking out money…forking out money… and did I mention FORKING OUT MONEY?

Umhlanga wasn’t too bad, as we were also in the Zulu Kingdom for the first week of his stay, and we even saw him ONCE, when he needed a temporary place to “hang out” (long story), but Cape Town was horrendous.  Each day, I missed him more.  And, when the IEB Matric results came out, and he passed with a University Entrance, I was mortified that I couldn’t hug him and congratulate him, in person.

05 January finally arrived, and as my eyes opened, all I could think about was “My Baby is coming home today”.  I told everyone who would listen, including my Twitter buddies, my dogs, and the budgie!

We got to the airport early, had a bite, and when we saw that his flight had landed, we flew (what a marvellous pun) to the domestic Arrivals Terminal. As he emerged through the electronic doors, I sprinted over to meet him, and hugged and kissed him with all the emotion that had been welling up inside me while he was away.

I went to bed happy.

I had told him that he had to get up early on Wednesday morning as we had bought him a new TV, as a “passing Matric gift” and the guy was coming to install it at 10:30.  After begging him to get up about 8 times, I lost my cool and threw a tantrum.  I was told to “chill” and “stop shouting”.  GRRRRRRRRR!  I was beginning to wonder whether I was on drugs when I bought him the TV!?

He finally came downstairs, cleaned out the fridge, politely dumped all his dirty dishes in the sink, left the tomato sauce, cheese, salad dressing and a large assortment of other condiments on the table, and parked himself in front of the TV to watch the cricket. He then had a bath, left the bathtub filthy, and dropped his towel on the floor.  The coup de grace came when he opened his case, filled with dirty, foul smelling clothes and left it on MY bed!

Thankfully, it’s only 364 days until he goes back to Cape Town, for College Vac!!!

by Paul Jacobson. Dad. Husband. Lawyer. Geek. Blogger. Evangelist. Maven. He blogs at Paul Jacobson and Web. Tech. Law

Wouldn’t it be awesome if there was a manual that actually worked? The older our little one gets the more I realise that I am grasping in the dark for a way to persuade him to do some of the things I want him to do (bathing, eating a meal, lying still so I can change a full nappy/diaper, that sort of thing).

What I have learned is that he is stubborn, determined and doesn’t respond well to me getting angry. On that note, me getting angry with him just shows who the real child is and it isn’t our 2 year old!

I keep thinking there must be a way to communicate better with him and persuade him to do some of the things we want him to do. A previous girlfriend is a teacher and she often told me that kids crave structure, whether they know it or not, and they tend to thrive when they have a constructive structure to work with (ok, I read in the last bit). I just don’t know how to do that, do you?

I’m starting to see negative effects of me getting angry with him when he doesn’t listen to me. It seems like he gets a little more withdrawn and that really worries me a lot. He wants to be picked up a lot and that suggests insecurity to me. That also bothers me, a lot!

So what works? What lessons have other parents learned? If anything, I am starting to see that my own anger is just an expression of my frustration with a number of factors in my life and that really isn’t fair on our son. There must be a better way.

Kerry Haggard is a writer, editor, wife and mother to the two most gorgeous boys that ever there were. One day when she grows up she hopes to be a real geek, but for now, she’s happy to sit and watch her husband excel at that…

We chose to stay in Jozi these holidays, and it really was great – the roads and shops were quiet, the weather was mostly agreeable, and we spent some good quality time at home.

We did go out and about though, and it was great to be a tourist in our own city, so to speak. Having two small boys changes your choices of venue somewhat, and it was intriguing to see who caters for families and how.

We went to the Johannesburg Zoo for a morning, and it was great to see all the development there, and the wide variety of animals, the beautiful landscapes, and the restaurant. What wasn’t great? Seeing the golfcarts lined up for repair (apparently they’re being discontinued in the new year), and being put at number 19 on the waiting list at 10 in the morning, in spite of one of our party being heavily pregnant. We also felt that R10 per ride in the funfair was outrageous.

I thought that Heaven’s Gate in Boksburg, looked like a great spot for a visit, but was disappointed to see that it very definitely is by appointment only – it’s not just schools that need to make appointments, as I understood from the website. But it’s got a great selection of birds, and plenty of spots for picnics, so we’ll definitely go there again, with an appointment.

The Secret Garden at Norscot Manor was nice for the little people, although a little more shade in their playground would not go amiss. It’s a really pretty venue, and looks like it would be great for moms’ teaparties, while the littlies keep themselves amused.

Twigs at the Garden Shop (cnr Jan Smuts Avenue and Bolton Avenue in Rosebank) has a great enclosed playground for children and their food is good, but that’s about where the ‘great’ stops. Service is appalling, and there is nowhere to change nappies – it’s either the boot of your car (my choice), or on the concrete floor in the less-than-elegant outbuilding toilets.

The hit of our holiday? The Adventure Golf park at Stoneridge Mall, just behind Greenstone Mall. A great vibe, three fun courses, and a friendly and well stocked refreshment stand … and they didn’t charge us for the littlest Haggard (aged 21 months), who clutched his ball and golfclub (aka ‘bat’) as if his life depended on it for most of our time there

What was your favourite holiday outing in Jozi these holidays?

By Alet  Viljoen, Single mom to the nearly 4 yr old Logan and author of  Lettuce and Lu in the house of many colours.

We all experience guilt, for difference reasons and at different times.  I remember how guilty I felt sending my infant to crèche so I could return to work.  The guilt really starts from the word go – over feeling tired and impatient, for not sticking to the strict routine everyone says a child needs.  We all feel the guilt over not being able to protect our kids from the scrapped knee or for allowing the child one last cookie which has now resulted in a tummy ache.  Our limitations, whether physically, financially or emotionally becomes something that binds us.

Being a single mom, I somehow allow myself to feel a double load of guilt by trying to compensate for the absence of the father.  I feel guilty when the father doesn’t notice Logan’s milestone like I would like him to or when he under-delivers on promises made.

In the end it is all horribly exhausting.

What I have realized while preparing for the New Year and its new challenges, is that only as a mother I can really relate to the anguish my mother must have felt.  Now I can see that although I did not always get what I wanted, I received something so much more valuable.  The ability to work for the things I want, the ability to compromise and now also the ability to teach my child these same qualities.

May we in the beginning of a new year not feel the guilt that comes with our limitations but rather the hope that comes from the lessons they teach our children.

How do you cope with your own guilt about never feeling like a good enough parent?