Posts Tagged ‘parenting’

By Gina Jacobson, a mom, a leo.  She works for a  non-profit organisation, is a procrastinator, loves sci-fi, sushi, good books and scrabble.Her blog is made up of A Bit of This a Bit of That.

Aaron is finally going to play school, he starts on Monday 25th January.  I am nervous and excited for him.

We keep mentioning that he is going to school and what a big boy he is.  We tell him that he is going to draw and paint and play on the jungle gym and read stories and play with the other children and make things for mommy and daddy.

I think he is excited to do these things even though he doesn’t really know what we are talking about.

The other big change we are going to have this year is moving into a big boy bed.  Aaron is literally, a big boy, he is very tall and he is rapidly out growing the cot.  My question is, how do we transition him to the bed?

Again, we mention to him that he is going to have a big bed like mommy and daddy.  But does he really understand?  Also, Im worried about him not staying in his bed.  How do we get him to stay there, even if he wakes up?  I would rather he calls us and we go to him than he come to us.

The other question is, should we wait until he is settled at play school or make the move at the same time?  I don’t want to overwhelm the poor kid.

How did you handle these amazing milestones in your child’s life?

By Laura-kim single mom, recently divorced with 2 kids and the author of the blog Harrased mom

My ex and I have been split for 3 Christmases. This was the first one the children spent with him.

Christmas is my favourite time of the year. I simply love the magic and spirit of Christmas. To me it is not about the gifts but about love and hope and family. It is a special time for me.

So it was very hard for me when their father confirmed he would be taking them. I knew it would happen. It is only fair. I mean he is their father, he should also be with them around Christmas. I knew my feelings were selfish.

So we packed their bags and sent them off. It was hard.

My boyfriend was also away in Cape Town over Christmas so I decided at the last minute that there was no way I could spend Christmas day without my children and the man I love. I managed to change my flights at the last minute and was in Cape Town for Christmas Eve!

Christmas Day was harder than I thought it would be. It was an exceptionally happy morning. My boyfriend’s nieces and nephews – all teenagers, had so much fun opening their gifts that the house was fulled with excitement and laughter and love. It was very special but I missed my children terrible.

I missed watching them rip open gifts. I missed listening to them laugh and argue and moan.

Kerry Haggard is a writer, editor, wife and mother to the two most gorgeous boys that ever there were. One day when she grows up she hopes to be a real geek, but for now, she’s happy to sit and watch her husband excel at that…

 Our home is blessed with more technology than most, thanks to my husband’s job as publisher of a consumer magazine (www.connect.co.za), and this has opened a Pandora’s box of sorts in our home. We are probably more exposed than most to different gaming consoles (yes, we have a PS3, a Wii and an Xbox 360), not to mention more computers per capita than most multinational corporations. And we have two boys (Daniel aged 4 and a half and Matthew, 20 months)  whose eyes have lit up at the sight of anything with a whirring noise and a flashing light since they were old enough to sit up and take notice.

There are many who would say that there is time enough for technology when my boys are older – but then there’s that age-old thing of little boys wanting to do what their daddies do.  Some people play sport, others read – my husband ‘does’ computers, whether that’s building them, rebuilding them, or playing various games on them.  Daniel’s playschool offers computer classes, which are mostly around co-ordination and mouse-skills, and his reports from these have always come back with a string of ‘excellents’.

So, is there a difference between learning computer skills (which we all need – were you also one of those that mocked the boys that took typing lessons in the 80s?) and playing console games, which some may see as technology baby-sitters for the lazy parent?

I would say it depends on the console and the game. Matthew is too little to play still, but watches his brother’s every move when he plays on the Wii or on his PC – and Daniel is a sensitive soul who takes everything to heart. This is why we have no ‘first-person shooter’ games, or any game that has violence of any sort in it – apart from the fencing game in Wii Sports Island.

On the Wii, Daniel plays table tennis (and wins nearly every time, using strategic placement of the ball when he ‘hits’ it), 100 pin bowling (where he lines up the ball with the pins, and scores a strike nearly every time), and archery  (which requires careful co-ordination, using both hands). He cannot read, but he can navigate his way around a set of Wii games better than I can – he has responded to its intuitiveness and has figured things out for himself.

On his PC, he plays a variety of games that teach him cognitive and recognition skills, and that throw in a bit of history and geography as well.

Yes, my child does have a lot of ‘screen’ time, but he also does (old fashioned ) puzzles quickly and accurately. His hand-eye co-ordination is such that he seldom misses a ball with his cricket bat, and he has a general knowledge that is well beyond his age.

Are computers and consoles a substitute for good parenting? No, they’re definitely not. But they’re a part of our (admittedly privileged) life, and will continue to be so, more and more, as our children grow up. Making them comfortable with technology, and giving them the confidence to navigate their way around it, is equipping them with skills our parents hadn’t even thought of when we were kids.

It is about striking a balance though – Daniel can only play one session of Wii in a day, and he can only play every second day. I think we’re getting the balance right. At bed time the other night, my heart melted when I was told, “Mom, I love you more than everything. I even love you more than Wii.”

by Philippa Cross who would rather be outdoors than in, alone than in a crowd. She prefers dogs to cats, with a major leaning towards bulldogs. She hopes to win the Pulitzer prize for her yet unpublished novel. She started Thumb Media with a partner in June 2009

You’ve probably heard all about the shows on at the People’s Theatre at the Civic from time to time. If what you need is a push to just book the tickets and make the effort to go along these school holidays– I hope this will do it. It’s the perfect underwater adventure for land-based moms and dads who slave away all day.

It’s perfect for littlies (6 and under). I am just so delighted I discovered it. I feel like the best mom on earth (which I am).

Actually, I’m not. I’m usually too busy to even look into these things, let alone find a weekend that suits, and then book. If your family is anything like mine, trying to get it all together to attend a show is almost impossible, especially at this time of year. This is one experience that deserves the effort. The fact that there are two shows on a Sunday, a morning and an afternoon one, appeals tremendously.

We navigated our way through the road-works (a subject for a whole other day) in Joburg city centre, and arrived at the People’s Theatre to see The Little Mermaid.

An unforgettable experience awaited us. The theatre is special not only because of the magnificent shows it produces, but because of the world it introduces to children. It’s a delightful alternative to TV, to play station. It’s a wonderful opportunity to appreciate talent, and a chance to be transported.

Our precious little people can enjoy the entire theatrical experience from beginning to end. It’s all about them. But the joy I saw in them made my cup runneth over.

They get dressed up for the occasion (we had a number of mermaids in the audience), and have to wait in the foyer before the show starts. This involves excited mingling among friends and strangers, and buying and sharing of refreshments. Our party of 3 year olds made friends with some other littlies, and they all shared their jelly tots. (Except the pink ones. My son refused to share the pink ones.)

The bell rings, and the doors open, at which point they (with mom and dad’s help of course) have to find their own, pre-booked little chair.

The curtain is down, the lights dim, the theatre goes quiet. The excitement is tangible. The music starts, the curtain is raised, and an entire world is revealed.

I was so impressed with the quality of the production – something I’m sure didn’t occur to my 3 year old. But I noticed. Not an expense was spared. The costumes were so beautifully designed and made. The stage design and décor was world class. The performances were world class. I enjoyed The Little Mermaid at the People’s Theatre as much as I enjoyed the Phantom of the Opera at the State Theatre a few years ago. I even cried.

For the dads – I have to tell you, my husband (who is very manly, and not obsessed with pink jelly tots) enjoyed it thoroughly. I have no doubt he’ll come with us next time we go, which will be in March 2010 to see The Jungle Book.

Join the Kids Club.

Among other great benefits, For R70 a year, you can enjoy a free ticket on your birthday, and get called up onto stage.

For more information visit The Peoples Theatre on Jozikids.

By Alet  Viljoen, Single mom to the nearly 4 yr old Logan and author of  Lettuce and Lu in the house of many colours.

Christmas was never really intended to be about Santa and the presents he will be sliding down the chimney the night before.  Yet, considering that we are all parents and in dire need of five whine-free minutes, I think the coming of the festive season goes hand in hand with what we could call motivation.

 I was brought up believing the few weeks before Christmas, one needed to be extra careful of the tantrums you plan on throwing, the state of your bedroom and how high you jump when mom asks you to do something.  Likewise, my child is starting to become acquainted with these concepts. 

 So I communicate with Santa Claus on the telephone every other night – I either inform him of what a good little boy Logan is, or I tell him all the naughty things Logan has done. 

 A friend of mine has taken things one step further which I think will work for children a little  older.  She is benefitting from a harmless little bug currently residing in most of our homes, called the Christmas Beetle.  These little beetles are spies for Santa and the helpers of parents.  They are in our homes to see what kids are up to while their mommies and daddies are busy.  And they report directly to Santa Claus.

Does Santa help you motivate your kids to stop whining in the run up to Xmas?  What do you do?

by Sally Cameron, midwife, mother of 2 and co-owner of earthbabies . I am passionate, creative, trying to be Green unschooling single mom. It’s a journey

 I became a single mom at the beginning of the year when I left my husband after a failed, destructive marriage. Raising 2 small kids alone is a huge challenge and can really leave you feeling more than a little worn out.  My ex husband works on the oil rigs and so would be away for weeks at a time. I got used to being and doing everything myself but  I would still defer things to him like building the flat pack furniture, mowing the lawn, fixing anything that broke, hanging pictures, the car. These were all deemed his area of responsibility

When I left and it was just the kids and I, the shock of having to look after them alone 24/7 was overwhelming. Before I was a stay at home mom, now all of a sudden I was responsible for making money for the kids and managing stuff I had never done before.  I was  immobilized with fear but little by little I am expanding my repertoire.

It has been a long  emotional journey dealing with all the feelings around a broken marriage, helping the kids manage their feelings and then the very very long hours I work at night when the kids are asleep so I can grow my little on line business  Earth Babies.  All this has left me rather exhausted ,irritable and drained

 I had never been away from my kids for more than a night in 5 years. I desperately needed not to be a mom for a little while and toyed with the idea of going to Cape Town for a long weekend. My business partner and dear true friend Barbara convinced me to go for a bit longer. So, on 3rd November I left my kids with Barbara and went to Cape Town for a week. I am sure that there are those that will judge me for leaving them to have fun but I feel like a much better mom after having the break. I know that having the break has made me a much better mom. I had time to restore myself a little , have more patience with them and can really enjoy them  now rather than being irritable a lot of the time. I blogged about my  holiday and looking at that picture always make me smile. I was happy to deep inside me there, it restored me.

 I think we all need a break at times, when last did you have one?

by Fiona Ingram, a  South African writer who loves books, travel, animals, antiques, and adventures of all kinds! Read Fiona’s author site and find out about her recently published children’s adventure novel.

I don’t remember actually learning to read; it’s as if I always did. Although we grew up poor (five children to feed, clothe, and educate), my parents always had books in the house. And then of course, there were the books we inherited from my grandparents. My very old copy of The Wind in the Willows, with those simple yet beautiful illustrations, is still on my bookshelf. Ratty and Mole were my heroes (and still are!). Other old friends are The Secret Garden, with exquisite color plates, The Water Babies, Enid Blyton’s Faraway Tree series, my collection of the Lucy Fitch Perkins’ twin series, with her poignant stories of children of all eras and places around the world. I particularly loved Anne of Avonlea, The Little Princess and many others.

The list of children’s classics is endless and not so long ago I read them all over again. I ‘inherited’  a  foster child from a disadvantaged background. This little girl came to me at age eleven, practically illiterate, scoring only 19% for English at school. Opening the doors into the wonderful world of books seemed insurmountable because she simply did not understand the connection between the written and spoken word. What to do? Begin at the beginning seemed a good idea.

I started off with my old favourites and Mabel loved them. Suddenly, the words were not frightening because she was hearing about places and people she’d never imagined. She’d lean over my shoulder, breathing down my neck as I read, my finger tracing the words as I sounded them out. The pages began to surrender the magical words, and she found them enchanting! Fired with success, we moved onto the rest of the library, slowly devouring my children’s classic book collection in very tiny bite-sized pieces. I was still doing most of the reading.

One day, Mabel decided she’d help out with the books, and began reading to me. It was still incredibly slow but I began to see the glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. We got movies of books, watched them, and then read the books, just in case the moviemakers had left out some important bits. We expanded our repertoire book by book. I found other ways to sneak words into her day, not just when we were doing ‘serious’ reading. She read recipes with me when we baked; she read the instructions on the packaging to me while we prepared dinner; she read advertisements to me when we shopped. Suddenly words were a constant part of her life.

Mabel also began to show her imaginative side at school. Her poems and creative writing pieces began to change, reflecting more color, bigger words, more complex themes and emotions. What a breakthrough! The final moment of success came when just recently she turned to my mother and said, “Gran, will you buy me a book?”

My mother nearly fell off her chair and replied, “You can have as many as you like, darling.”

Mabel grinned. “Oh, then can you buy me all the Twilight books please?” Thank you Stephenie Meyer for being the first author Mabel ‘owns.’ (Apparently vampires rock.)

Her latest ‘own’ books? Inkheart, and The Golden Compass.

Her latest marks for English? A magnificent 75%.

“I can do much better,” she said, frowning. “I’m going to have to improve on this if I want to be a writer.”

I have now adopted Mabel, not having my own children, and I can say the greatest compliment is that she has decided to become a journalist or a novelist (just like me).

Recently I called her and, hearing her voice coming from her bedroom, asked, “What are you doing?”

Reply: “I’m reading!”

Music to any parent’s ears!

by Kojo Baffoe a man, a father, a son, a brother, a husband, a friend, a poet, a writer on a quest to make sense of this reality, with words. Author of Evolutionary.

I love reading. I don’t get to do it as much, but I still love the feel of a book. Every now and then I still find books that, once picked up, cannot be put down. Books that have you sitting, during the witching hour, repeating the mantra, “one more chapter and then I sleep, one more chapter and then I sleep.”

This probably comes from living in a home where the garage was converted into a study just to house my father’s books, covering a myriad of subjects. I would spend hours in there, looking for something to read. I went through phases, hanging out in the school library reading everything from Agatha Christie to Louis L’amour.

While I have always bought books, it is only in the last couple of years that I have been able to start to build a decent library. So, you can imagine my hope when it comes to Kweku, my son. I started doing the alphabet with him at two weeks and still do nearly every night. Same thing with counting, which he can comfortably do up to 10 and is working on 11 to 20.

I also started reading to him very early. The usual stories for his age group are short and, to be honest, boring (I have to read them) so I very quickly picked up a copy of bedtime stories that cover stories from different cultures across the world. I have also started looking for the fairytales that I grew up on and have since discovered how scary they are. There always seems to be someone who died and tragedy. For Cinderella to have a step-mother, her real mother had to die.

“London Bridge is falling down” is about destruction, Jack loses his head falling down a hill, Hansel & Gretel nearly become cuisine for a witch and the snoring old man bumps his head on the edge of the bed and can’t get up in the morning. Some of these have as much destruction as an action movie. I was becoming paralysed, not quite sure what I can read to my son beyond the cute little books with lots of pictures.

So, I decided to just read. He also seems to love books and will spend a good 10 to 20 minutes flipping through a magazine or newspaper so now we are going through Kahlil Gibran’s The Alchemist at bedtime, for the second time. Next up, it is Anansi The Spider, fables from Ghana. I also read him poetry sometimes and stories of Winnie The Pooh (a favourite for all of us). What do you read your children?

by Barbara Lombard – wife, mother to 2, co-owner of Earth Babies , occasional doula

In deciding when they get to stay home I think each parent differs. I am relatively relaxed about it in that I do let them miss an occasional day of school. When would I let them skip? The obvious is if they feel ill,  less obvious would be when something fun or interesting is happening or on those days when they really, really don’t want to go (which is not often) – they are after all only in preschool at this stage and I see no reason to already make school going a forced chore rather than a fun choice.  I will admit that some days I insist they go to school as I know once they are there they have fun. It  is just the drop and release that is an issue (I hate days like that).  We will re-evaluate this approach when formal schooling starts but I think I will still be occasionally flexible on this.  I have never regarded a perfect attendance record as being the ultimate. I see little value in it as I don’t think it shapes the child as a more responsible individual and children can also learn valuable lessons out of the school setting.

 I am a stay at home mom so that I can be there for them when they need me, and they come home every afternoon. I would however never (unless I had no other option) home school. The idea gets me all panicky. My children and I need a little time apart in order to keep on loving each other haha. I need the space to get my things done in the mornings and they need time with friends, activity, running, playing, imagination games  things that I as an adult can’t (and yes no longer want to) provide.

 There is always discussion about when to keep a child home when they are sick, what qualifies as being sick etc. For me if they appear sick, are in pain, their normal nature is affected, they are running a temperature I keep them home for as long as I feel is required. If they have a runny nose or an irritating cough I don’t as both of these could last weeks on end.

 This week past I had 2 extra children, they are homeschooled, so when we originally organized for them to stay with me while their mom is away, I thought I will just keep my own 2 home to play with them (both sets and 2.5 and 5 years). 

When the time came though I decided to rather only let mine stay home occasionally. They get on better when they have some time apart, I need to maintain sanity. It  is the week before my son’s school concert for which they are practicing and my daughter’s little school going routine, which is usually very looked forward to, can at times get upset, and then trying to get her to go to school is like pulling teeth without aneasthetic. She loves it once she is there but if she has missed 2 or 3 successive days when sick, the drop and release can be difficult – a full week away from school and she might think she has graduated and never has to return.

The first day they arrived it was early before school started so my kids stayed home – worked well they played nicely had fun and no issues all day long (Mom 1 / Kids).

Day 2 mine went to school and afterwards they all played, lovely (Mom 2 / Kids).

Day 3 Mine stayed home to play … bad decision I can’t take back, they were horrors together lol – the bigger ones fought all day about the most trifling things, and the smaller ones caused chaos wherever they could – they threw all the washing (piles) waiting for ironing on the floor, threw everything out of cupboards in the rooms, unpacked the product shelves in my work area (Earth Babies), painted themselves blue – or at least mine did (Mom clinging on to her rocker and back to 0 / Kids counter broke trying to keep track).

Day 4 as you guessed they went to school – it was a good day (Mom 1 / Kids).

Week end Day 5&6 went relatively well some fighting but not bad. (Mom 2 / Kids 2)

Day 7 mine are going to school, then get to play together for the afternoon before their friends go home as their mom gets back today.

 In summary for me personally there is a balance, it is sometimes about what is best for them and sometimes about what is best for me

by Gina Jacobson, a wife, a mom, a leo.  She works for a  non-profit organisation, is a procrastinator, loves sci-fi, sushi, good books and scrabble.  Her blog is made up of A Bit of This a Bit of That.

On Tuesday I leave my husband and my baby for 10 whole days, I wont even be in the same country.

I have never left Aaron for more than a night at a time and then he is just up the road at my mom and I can get to him in 5 minutes if I need to.  Paul has been overseas or to Cape Town or Durban a few times but its not the same.  This time its me that wont be here.

I am dreading being away from my family for so long but as Paul pointed out, I will at least be able to get a full nights sleep while I’m away…

We haven’t really told Aaron that I will be going away, Im not too sure how much of the concept he will understand and I don’t want to upset him unnecessarily.  I will be going to work as usual on Tuesday morning and then coming home at lunch time to collect my bags and a travel companion and then off we go to the airport.

We have decided against Aaron coming with, he has been a few times and I think the airport is a little overwhelming for him, with all the people and the noise.  So I will be saying goodbye to him at home.

I will be able to talk to them both on Skype as I am taking my laptop with me and as both my laptop and Paul’s are equipped with cameras we will be able to see each other which will definitely help.

I am going to get a small stuffed animal for Aaron to give him when I say goodbye, something just from mama especially for Aaron.

Have you been away from your family for long stretches?  How do you handle goodbyes?  Do you tell your little ones before hand?  How do you prepare them?  How do you cope with being away from them for so long?