Posts Tagged ‘single parents’

by Sheriza Bolton, a single mother of two and a full time worker. Find her on facebook

I have been a single mum for almost 10 years.  It is difficult and challenging to be a parent today and it is even more difficult to raise children alone.  We as parents are often overwhelmed and lacking the parenting skills necessary to do a good job. But good solid parenting has less to do with the number of parents in the home and more to do with the quality of parenting. Whether the single parent household is headed by a mother, father, or a grandparent, raising children alone is an enormous task. I decided that I would be the best I could be as a single mum and give my daughter “a rising star” in the modeling world and a soccer player in the making, a life they deserved.  How do I describe this amazing feeling about my kids, especially my little girl who has brought so much joy to my heart as well as family, friends and our community?

My little daughter had flair for dancing and modelling at the age of 3. The camera loved her and vice versa. I decided to take a chance and said if this is what she wants, then let’s explore it to a professional level. She entered a competition called the Little Miss Fashion Icon, and won. What a big achievement for her at this tender age. She is now involved with a lot of community work and charity campaigns for orphanages and old age homes in our community.  She is currently assisting with the winter warm up campaign for the Maren Mission Children’s Home.  She has had the opportunity to see kids that are less fortunate then her; this has changed her mind about the world. She has now adopted one of the kids and we will be taking care of her by providing her with clothes, food etc every month. I am so proud of her.

I have learnt so much from Tazlyn, the sweetness and spice of little girls, patience and forgiveness as she stretches my tolerance with the sulky attitude of a 6 year old.  Whatever she has chosen to become, I will still feel proud of her simply because she has the key to my heart forever .

A she grows a little day by day, I pray that God lights the path, to guide her on her way.  What I want most for my daughter is that she be able to soar confidently in her own sky, whatever that may be.

This proves that single parents can raise good kids too!

by Tania Smit , mother of 2 children. She who lives alone with her kids, works during the day and wishes she had more time to spend with them.  She recently lost her husband of 13 yrs.

I recently lost my husband, the love of my life and feel as if my world has fallen apart. I need support but don’t know where to find it. Can anyone help?

My husband and I started dating when I was 15 and he was 19 yrs old.  We were married for 13 years and had two beautiful kids, aged 3 and 5.  Lodewyk, my husband was a wonderful father and husband. He loved the kids.

He was diagnosed with cancer in September and passed away in December; 3 days before Christmas and his 43rd birthday.

Now I am struggling and feel so alone. I cannot talk to anyone. I try to keep myself brave for the kids and at work. I think that if I don’t do this, I will just cry all the time.

I feel like I am falling apart. I yell at the kids, out of pure frustration and tiredness. I am so busy with everything that I must now do on my own, that I don’t spend enough time with them and then also feel really bad about this.

They also feel the loss of their dad and I just don’t know how to deal with it.  Please, if anyone out there can help.  My email address is: tanias@cmp.co.za

by Lihle Z Mtshali, the proud mother of a lovely little lady who thinks she’s Beyonce.  She is Business Editor for The Times by day and Supermom every other time. You can also find her on twitter @lihle_z

I AM a Supermom. Yes, I said it. I do an amazing job as a mother and I am proud of it.

Mothers don’t get enough praise for the hard work they do, so I’m laying it on myself thick, thank you very much.

I am a single mother and have raised my now 12-year-old daughter Thando on my own, with a little help here and there. She visits her father on some school holidays, but the day-to-day demands stare me squarely in the face, every day. I have a very demanding full-time career but I come home every evening and make a healthy meal for my little one; chat to her about her day (there is a lot, she’s a pre-teen); check her homework; watch all her favourite TV shows on the Disney Channel and laugh uproariously at the antics of Zack and Cody, Hannah Mantana and the Wizards of Waverly Place; sing along to her Beyonce CDs and practice the dance moves with her; talk about her fears and hear all her secrets before ensuring that she goes to bed on time every night.

I’d love to lie in on weekends, but alas, she has hip-hop dance classes on Saturday mornings, followed by a birthday party or movies almost every weekend. Sundays it’s church and lunch with friends. Then Monday rolls around again and it’s back to ferrying Thando and her BFF to and from school everyday.

I am such a great mom that even Thando’s best friends come to me with all their pre-teen troubles. They can’t speak to their mothers, they tell me. They don’t come to me because I treat them like equals or friends. They still respect me as a mother figure and an adult and I have no qualms about telling them when they are out of line. But I made a conscious decision not to be the unapproachable mother that our mothers were.

I am 33-years-old and engaged but even now can’t talk to my mother about the man in my life. That door was never opened.

I do all that I do in the name of motherhood with all the love in my heart because nothing, absolutely nothing, fills my heart like seeing a smile on my child’s face.

But, I do get tired and fed up. Sometimes I get so frustrated I want to scream. Sometimes I do scream.

I miss Thando terribly when she goes away to Durban, but when I put her on that plane I give a silent cheer for the break I’m getting.

I used to be ridden with guilt when I got these feelings. I felt like, surely if you are a good mother you don’t get tired and frustrated?

Then I started talking to other mothers and found that I was not the odd one out. Phew! I realised then that not only do we all need a break, but it is absolutely necessary and crucial and enables us to function properly in our roles.

We drive ourselves so hard as mothers, single mothers especially, because we don’t want to be the mother that raised Jack the Ripper or even Candy the stripper. Sorry, exotic dancer. We are also very critical of ourselves and forget that although every once in a while we are capable of amazing acts of perfection; we are, in fact, still human.

So, during the Easter holidays while Thando was away frolicking on the beach with her cousins, having chips and ice-cream every day and no vegetables, I got to sit around in my pyjamas until midday on Saturdays. I got to do whatever I wanted; I got to be me, without the Supermom pressure.

I got to write this.